I was scheduled to speak at a 12-step meeting on the day that I filed the papers for my divorce.
I was to tell my story and offer the group my experience, strength, and hope.
While driving to the meeting, I started questioning why I was going. I was so down. I felt that I had nothing to offer. What could I say that would inspire anyone?
I pulled into the parking lot and mustered up the courage to go inside and tell my story.
As I stood at the podium, I noticed people listening intently. I saw people smiling and acknowledging what I was saying. Some even nodded and cried.
When I was done, many of the people I had just spoken to came over to hug me and thank me for sharing. Each one told me warmly that I had helped them with a problem that was going on in their lives at the time.
As the members of the meeting left to go home, I noticed one woman hanging back, waiting to talk to me privately.
I walked over to her and took her hand in mine. She smiled at me and said, “You are so courageous. I am so thankful I was able to hear you speak tonight. You inspired me to be strong. I know that I can get through this.”
As I walked back out to my car and started to drive home, I realized that my story didn’t have to be a pretty one or a perfect one to inspire another.
All I needed was the courage to tell it.
The courage to walk through it.
The courage to share it.
Courage means, “Strength of mind to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.”
I had done that.
I was courageous.
“Dear God, help me to have courage in trying situations. Help me to withstand my problems and triumph over them by having strength of mind.”
Courage… I feel like it comes and goes. I’ve been physically separated for two months now, and divorce will be final in a couple of months.
It’s all so surreal. One moment I’ve moved on, the next moment I have memories creep in or financial tasks I have to take care of since my ex is off “traveling.”
His life was planned when he left and he feels retired and on vacation.
I feel relieved to be free personally, but I’m left with the course of my life to be redefined.
It’s so hard to face some tasks or pieces of red tape and then have to contact him. We only try to answer each other if we need to. We’re off on separate lives now.
I don’t feel lonely, but I do feel “alone” with all of this.
I’m looking for the courage to get through each day, sometimes each hour.
As you say, walking through it must happen in order to keep moving forward. Sometimes I feel I’m wearing lead shoes.
You have to remember that he had more time than you to think… plan….. prepare… before he talked to you about the idea of divorce. You are a few steps behind but you will get there! Two months is so fresh… so so fresh….. I remember the feeling of “lead shoes” just remember one task at a time…. one day at a time.. one second if necessary….. 🙂 D
D- You are so right.
I feel that “mentally” I’m on my way fairly well in a short period of time , but the emotions keep creeping in and pull me back.
I’ve always “fast -tracked” academically and business -wise, but this situation is a different animal, and I wasn’t prepared to be so emotionally overwrought and irritated, even I though I wanted/ needed out.
You are SO right… He just sat, didn’t work, and made his plans while I tried to keep everything together and worked incredibly long hours.
Courage to heal and courage to say I’m not a victim is where I need to be. And hopefully I will become more myself.
It really stings!
I believe in courage. It takes strength to face those fears, but what a blessing it can be! Honesty is courage, and that is why I love reading your posts, dee dee. I like your blog layout, by the way. 🙂
Thank you Judy! Always so good to hear from you…. At my year mark I decided it was time to change the divorce meditations and perk it up!!! 🙂 D.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again… The world is a better place because you decided to become a teacher. Not just for the kids in your classroom, but for all of us who choose to read your thoughts. Thank you.
D- I’m still focused on this topic and thank you so much for your comments. This has been one of the hardest days (now going into the next morning) I’ve had since the physical separation 8 weeks ago. I isolated myself, ate pizza , and told one of my friends that I was just feeling too tired and moody to get together for coffee and talk.
I hope today/Sunday I will get back on my path of gratitude and also stay in the present. Setbacks like this are so hard. Reliving things over and over is not where I want to be. I know I’m making progress but sometimes you just want to push back against the pain, and the walking through the day… But all that does it circle back to the past.
You are getting there… it really has been such a short amount of time…. Oh the pizza! LOL… my favorite isolating food….. It was hard work not to “fill” myself up with food trying to soothe my broken heart. You will circle back to the past a lot but over time it will happen less and less… you really will be surprised. I can’t imagine going back to my ex these days…. 🙂 D.
Yikes! I remember this time two years ago. I had to be in contact with my ex about financial stuff – and he was trying to be congenial. Hated it ! I was very angry . But I got everything done . Can still remember the pain.
You’re so right about courage – and you did so well ! Courage isn’t always “pretty” but it feels good to move through things and we really can.
I love seeing how time is moving us both through!!!! 😀
march the 17 was the beginning of my third year, of being dumped after 20 years and on our 20th day anniversary, I could not see the blessing in the separation, after much therapy and focused work on my 12 step program, the blessing of the separation has come full circle, today God guides my day, I am physically emotionally and spiritually sober and recently a friend of my ex partner and me stared to me she was worried about him because he seemed so fragile, (my codependency almost picked in, STOP) I prayed for happiness success and God guided guidance for him and I prayed to focus on my life my recovery and doing the next right thing, I am much better now and you will be also, it takes time for a scab to heal an injury, God loves you we are blessed.
I loved reading this, Robert. Especially when you say your codep. ALMOST kicked in but then you stopped! Good for you. Time really does begin to show you that God was getting you out of your own way! 🙂 D.