Once I looked at my part in the break-up of my marriage, I knew then that I was willing to admit my faults.
Many times during my relationship with my spouse, I had taken on the role of “martyr” and used my husband’s flaws against him.
When my husband had been active in his addiction, I had stood by him and yes, I believed that was what a good committed spouse was supposed to do but…
When he became sober again… I often used that “loyalty” to bully him and get my way.
If I didn’t want him to go out: I brought up trust issues created by his active addiction.
If I wanted him to help more: I reminded him of how much help I had given him, how I had shouldered the responsibility for our family when he couldn’t.
I had a tendency to use his weaknesses against him.
I felt bad that I had done this and wished that I could take back my prior actions but… I could not.
All I could do, was to willingly admit my own faults to my husband: I owed him an amends.
When I spoke to him, he not only accepted my amends, but made one of his own.
Admitting my faults helped me to learn from my past mistakes and work towards not repeating the mistakes in my future relationships.
Admitting my faults brought me to a new “peace of mind.”
“Dear God, help me to admit my faults without being hard on myself. Each of us makes mistakes in life, help me to learn from them.”