September 10th: Setbacks

I had been placed in many difficult situations in my life but for some reason, my divorce hit me the hardest.

I was devastated by the loss and had many setbacks on my road to recovery.

I would cry uncontrollably or call my husband hoping I could convince him to come back…

I would blame myself for the end of our marriage and beg God to please change things…

I felt like I was walking on a path and every time I made a few strong steps, someone would come up behind me and knock me down to the ground.

If I tried to get back up, it felt like I was being knocked down again.

In the past, over the course of my entire life, I had always believed that no matter how many times you were knocked down, you got up and you tried again.

This time… my belief in this idea could not carry me: I just couldn’t see the light at the end of the path.

I was tired.

I was hurt.

I felt lost without my husband.

I didn’t want to get back up and try again.

A good friend had to remind me that this was a natural feeling.

That I would take a few steps forward and then feel “life” knock me back down to the ground

She related it to her own experience with divorce and promised me it would get better if I just kept moving forward and accepted that sometimes I would have setbacks.

She urged me to hold on a little while longer… she told me that she could see my progress even if I could not.

Life is full of setbacks.

Some… are more difficult than others.

I realized that this setback was a terrible one for me because my marriage had been difficult and I had fought against divorce for so long.

I had hoped it wouldn’t happen but after so many years, my worst fear came true.

I was getting a divorce.

The loss of love is a great one.

It cannot be minimized.

Walking through this loss is extremely painful but you must continue on the path, stand up, brush yourself off, and start walking again.

“Dear God, help me to accept my setbacks as a natural part of my recovery. Help me to find strength in the moment, and continue to follow the bigger path that you have planned for me.”

4 thoughts on “September 10th: Setbacks

  1. I feel on some days that “setback” is my middle name! I’ll feel confident after I’ve gotten some positive feedback from a friend or family member, and the next moment if I have to send info to my ex as we wrap up divorce stuff, and get no answer/acknowledgement, it smacks me in the head that our relationship and communication are over. It’s still a daily roller coaster ride. Fortunately, I don’t have anymore communication necessities coming up, so I can cut that part loose. But I still feel the pain of loss and not having a partner there for questions, decisions, and mostly — support! The feeling of “on your own” is scary at times as well as somewhat of a relief.

  2. Yes the other day… someone showed me a FB post of someone I didn’t particularly “want” to follow at this time… I was having a great day and suddenly… that moment broadsided me and it took me SEVERAL hours to gain my composure again. It happens to all of us…. setbacks…. being blindsided…. try not to be hard on yourself when it happens…. the up and down of contact always through me for a loop. The more physical space I could create the better until I was able to process all of my emotions. D.

  3. Thank you , D. I’m amazed how setbacks hit in a moment, and the impact they can have for hours. It’s strange to be mentally “moving forward”, yet a reasonably innocent comment from a mutual friend like: “maybe I’ll see your ex sometime with his new girlfriend- no reason all of us can’t just move on and be open “–can be understood intellectually but feel so horrible emotionally right now . Like raw nerves.
    Your wisdom and experience is so helpful– I’ll have to make plenty of space physically for some time and not end up in an awkward situation and end up really wounded.

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