The day of my wedding anniversary had been difficult.
I wondered if my husband, wherever he was that day, even remembered the date.
It was hard to know that I wouldn’t be receiving flowers.
I wouldn’t be going out to dinner with him to celebrate.
It marked the end of a chapter in my life instead of a “new beginning” of another year of marriage together.
I knew that by staying home and dwelling on my disappointment, I would only fall into a deeper depression.
I decided that the best I could do would be to go out and enjoy the time on my own.
I planned my own special evening.
I had dinner with one of my close friends.
I shopped for a special book I had wanted at my favorite bookstore.
I worked out at the gym and went home to take a relaxing bath where I soaked and read my newly purchased book.
I had to let go of what would not be.
I had to find enjoyment in what I could… and accept that things had changed.
Anniversaries will be hard.
So will holidays.
Remember what joy you had, and create new joy to soothe your sorrow.
“Dear God, help me to find peace. Help me to let go of what was and fill my life with what is… let me find the small moments of joy that will soothe my weary heart.”
This topic hits so hard right now — finalized divorce date, anniversary, birthdays… all are coming up very soon. I have no idea how I’m really going to feel — sad, relieved, depressed, ready to celebrate and let things go…. your comments strike right at the core. I’ve been moving through accepting much of what has happened, but sometimes when you’re alone, you lose perspective. I appreciate your comments about making some plans — probably not the best dates/moments to be alone with my thoughts.
Patricia you will probably feel ALL of the above feelings…. just try to observe them as if you are watching a movie…. when they start rolling just think to yourself “Okay… this is interesting…” You will get through it and over time it will get easier. I promise! 🙂
I relate very much to this – those days are hard and I consider them “triggers.” They trigger a lot of memories and feelings, good and bad. In fact, with bereavement they are called “Anniversaries of the Heart.” I have a lot of sadness surrounding anniversaries with my ex because there were no celebrations and he seldom cared or remembered. I accepted it and am sad remembering how I shelved my disappointment. Now I use the anniversary as a way to remember how I can celebrate my new life without him! You are right, dee dee – it does get easier. 🙂
I’m looking at last year’s comments , and yours today, Judy.
I’m moving through a lot of the triggers /milestones too and I still feel loss , but it seems to be mostly the flashbacks about good times that were so very long ago.
What actually popped into my mind reading the posts today:
At least there are some times to remember , there is distance from the most recent pain , and emotional detachment from the toughest years is progressing .
The holidays last winter left me emotionally vacant .
It’s taken painful times and daily steps to realize things are beyond better.
We didn’t share real excitement and celebration of our marriage even five years before the divorce.
There’s much to celebrate about life and opportunities now – you’re right !
So glad to see comments from you two… I was wondering how everyone was doing with milestones and anniversaries… it’s easier for me too. My divorce barely makes a mark anymore.. which I never would have believed 10 years ago! 🙂 D.