During my divorce I found it hard to stay in the moment.
I would catch my mind in constant thought: either looking back at the past, or worrying about the future, but rarely in the present.
One day, one of my program friends said, “Don’t you see? You’re straddling the fence of time. One foot in the past, one foot in the future, while you are ignoring the present. Take a moment… and enjoy the “present” view.”
I started to think about how often during the day I was living in my head and focused on a different time.
How often I was mulling over past events that I had no control over: those events had already happened. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it now.
And the future? That was taking up space in my head as well… but it wasn’t helping me to worry about the unknown.
I had to make a conscience effort every day to stay in the moment.
I knew that I had to spend time doing the footwork to move through my past and prepare for the future but… I had to also fight to stay focused on the fact that the present is all we have and the moments held within it are precious… not to be wasted… not to be overlooked.
We must find joy in the day, embrace the people who surround us, walk with us, during our trying times.
The simplicity of a moment: a beautiful sky, an ocean breeze, a walk with a good friend, a kiss from those we love, the small gifts of the present are more valuable then we realize and are too often overlooked as we struggle on our path.
Life is fleeting, and to waste precious time on what we can no longer change, and what we cannot possibly know, is to short change ourselves from all of the unexpected joys the present brings.
The “present” truly is a “gift” to appreciate.
“Dear God, help me to stay in the moment. To find gratitude in the smallest things. I am thankful for the time I have on this Earth. Help me to appreciate these precious moments of my day-to-day life.”
I’ve been keeping a daily journal, and a daily list of what I’m grateful for. I just looked at the past 2 week of these after reading your post this morning. Being in the present is the true key to progress (and sanity 🙂 .I’ve been busy discussing my feelings with myself, but not staying “here” enough.
From what I wrote down it’s clear — I have fear — fear that I will see my ex and relive the past, and fear for the future … of what may come or if I will succeed.
I keep telling myself I’m living in the present moment, but it’s very fleeting. You are so right – the present is a gift and it is what truly counts. I’ve got that rubber band on my wrist again to “snap” me back into the NOW! I have some work to do.
I’ve been thinking of wearing mine again lately!!!! 🙂 You are getting there… journaling really shows you where you were and where you are today…. D.
More progress over the year.
It’s funny how past moments and worries of the “unknown”/ future still pop into my mind without warning.
But, time, and meditating in the early am has helped these reveries to not be so consuming.
Staying in the present is actually a safe haven 🙂
I am going through this all right now. I just found this site, and am going to go through it. I am really getting a lot of good out of your comments Patricia, especially seeing them one year later. I am dealing with the roller coaster emotions right now. I got absolutely nothing done at work today. I know I can make it. But so very very hard.
Now I’m two years into this .
John, I hope you’re doing well !
D, it helps so much to come back around to this one.
Finding who you really are as you move through divorce is so hard.
I found that I had defined myself to such a large degree by my relationship with my then husband , I got lost along the way.
The early repercussions of that were constant head chatter about everything that had already happened , and trying to edit it.
I took some travel time recently and part of my mission was to see friends I grew up with, many, many of them, and to visit my dear family on my ex’s side.
They were stunned when they saw me.
The actual me is returning.
Some people stared.
Two years ago I was terrified and didn’t believe I was worth s*** . I thought they’d be looking at me sideways 🙂
So … That’s obviously not true and it’s amazing what crazy “future” projections the mind can create for this scenario. :-0
I had forgotten that those I love still love me too – we didn’t divorce each other for crying out loud .
And there were unexpected tears – I had people crying with relief that I surfaced and that it was so clear I’m happy , healing up , and “on my way. And some are sad and still getting through this for themselves.
I saw a great grandchild christening , put together a dinner for 10 of my closest relatives – including my nieces , like my daughters ( my sister in law is so kind to share 🙂 ) in fact she said – they need their aunt , we know you’ll be there … For all of us .
Well I cried driving back to my Mom’s house to rest before heading out again.