There is a scene in one of my favorite movies where the characters are talking about falling in love.
The man in the scene says, “I didn’t love her because it was right. I just loved her.”
And the woman replies, “Oh, I wish it was that easy. To just know that it wasn’t right that it wasn’t meant to be and move on.”
He turns and looks at her and says, “Knowing is the easy part… saying it out loud is the hard part.”
We often know somewhere inside of ourselves that things “Just aren’t right.”
That no matter how much you love someone… it just won’t work.
Saying it out loud… is the hard part.
I loved my husband but the more I embraced my “knowing…” the more I realized how truly incompatible we were for a life together.
He wanted to live downtown in the city… I wanted to live in the suburbs.
He wanted to retire some place that was warm and tropical…. I dreamed of a home in the Northwest or Northeast.
He wanted to work a job that would keep him up late most nights, and in bed sleeping most days.
I wanted a job that would have me up early and in bed by ten.
I wanted to argue and discuss each and every problem until we “got it right.”
He wanted to “let things lie” and wait for them to pass.
In the beginning, I just thought, Well, we love each other. We will find a way to compromise. We will find a way to make it work.
But there were too many things to compromise… too many problems that left us both feeling resentful… upset that we had to compromise so much.
There came a time during my divorce when I just “knew” that our separation was right for both of us.
No matter how much I loved my husband, I knew that I would never be able to compromise enough to make him happy.
I knew that the life partner I had chosen, the man that I wanted before I even knew my own path in life, was not a good fit for me.
It didn’t mean I didn’t love him: I loved him fiercely.
It just meant that I “knew” that it wasn’t meant to be and that it was time to say the “hard part” out loud.
“Dear God, help me to find strength in my day-to-day life. To walk the path before me with quiet resolution and let my heart be sure in your guidance.”
Knowing… for me it also links so much to acceptance. We had so many years where we were soooo close, and I can look back now and see it changing. It’s for the best the we’re going our separate ways, but the grief still persists (at least for me…I assume he is still “on vacation” and in permanent retirement mode with his girlfriend).
It will change… it always does…. nothing can beat “newness” but relationships always change. Keep the focus on you… your path… and all of the wonderful surprises that lay before you. 🙂
Appreciate your commenting on all these posts the past week. It is helping so much.
I’m here for you! 🙂
Good one for today, D.D.!
Sent from my iPad