Often when we show our emotions during trying times, those closest to us aren’t sure how to handle it.
When my husband left, I was very sad and my sorrow seemed to consume everyone around me.
They wanted me to be happy, to find joy in my life again.
It hurt them to see me so lost in my despair.
I would try to be cheerful, if only for them, but I just couldn’t do it.
I was too sad.
Yes it can be hard for others to see us suffering.
Yes it can be hard for others to see us in pain.
But part of the process of any loss is to grieve for what is no longer ours, and to mourn the loss of what will never be.
I knew that I needed time to sit with my sorrow and pain.
It was important that I acknowledged my heartache and my grief, so that when my opportunity to move on presented itself… I was ready for it.
“Dear God, help me through my grief. Help me to walk through my pain and my sorrow and move forward and into a better life.”
having my people look at me with despair at not KNOWING how to comfort me helped me to realise I had a bigger obligation to feel good again. The concen they had for ME showed me that LOVE was again waiting for me. Thank you so much for these posts.
It is so hard for others to watch us grieve a loss and you are right… when we are ready to move on… it does help to get us going by knowing that other’s need us to be happy and healthy again 🙂
I keep thinking I’ve moved past this but not the case. I don’t want my friends or family to see it so much now — they have all been very supportive and always check in. I am not highly emotional externally and hadn’t been internally so much over the years but going through this divorce has brought grief, despair, and sadness to the surface. Learning to go ahead and feel the pain has been very difficult. Good and bad days. But, I find that it’s helping me let go of the past and not do so many “playbacks” of events and conversations. I do need to do this for myself and those around me — and persist in moving on.
How are you feeling now Patricia? I’m sure Vicky would love to hear of your progress.
Its been a year since I left and I am only now starting to feel able to “be cheerful”. I am OK when I am at work but find it especially painful to be around close relatives. I am absolutely dreading the holidays and may give myself permission to not celebrate them this year. 🙂 I am learning I only need to please myself.
It takes time… and I hated when people said that to me but it was true… I didn’t date the first year at all… and it took two years before I began to feel truly “better”
Close relatives are often a reminder of what we’ve lost and what we are grieving so give yourself permission to make some space if needed… you will get through this Vicky. I promise. D.