September 27th: Strength

I always prided myself on my strength.

My life had been a series of so many ups and downs, that I had learned very early on to get back up and just keep going.

Strength was my salvation.

Strength was a quality that others had long admired in me.

Strength helped me to move smoothly past obstacles both great and small and make progress towards my life goals.

But when I went through my divorce, I felt that my strength had left me.

Often it seemed like I was in a vast ocean and one great wave after another was rising up, crashing over me, and trying to drag me down.

I felt unable to catch my breath, find my bearings: my foundation was rocked to the core.

Yet after my emotions finally began to calm, I realized that my strength was there all along.

I could then see that strength is not always about “being stoic.”

Strength is about having the courage to feel your emotions and to swim through your pain.

Strength is being able to admit that you are struggling, that you need help during a particular hardship, that even though you can endure pain alone, you don’t have to do so.

Strength is honesty.

Strength is being brave enough to show your vulnerability to others.

Strength is sharing your experiences, no matter how painful, so that others who suffer know they are not alone.

“Dear God, help me to be vulnerable in my strength. Help me to use my strength to bring me to an honest place on my life path.”

9 thoughts on “September 27th: Strength

  1. My soon to be ex says I’m one of the kindest yet strongest women he’ll ever know (sounds like someone writing in my yearbook) — 🙂 I suppose I am strong in many ways and will absorb pain, loss, rejection, and keep walking forward. I had to, to get through months of living with someone who became irritable, disrespectful, and literally played with my feelings and emotions while he planned his “exit”. Your comment about strength and being vulnerable — so true. You can continue to stand, but doesn’t mean you don’t feel like crumbling at times.

  2. Take that compliment and hold it…. often when people leave… they are confused… have mixed feelings for the one they are with and the one they are leaving to be with… and afraid to make an exit… afraid to say the truth…. hold the compliment that he sees you as strong and kind… I’m sure that he feels he is neither at this moment in time…. try to find compassion in the statement… though it is difficult to do.

  3. Hi D – I was looking at this thread from last year. You know, I may not hear it directly, but from what I can understand over the passing of time and little snippets I’ve gotten, your words ring so true! I may not have a conversation with him in the future, but I suspect he may look back and feel he was confused, caught up in the excitement of getting away. Reality returns not long after…

    • It always does… it is totally scientific! People are not logical when they are caught up in the “pink honeymoon moment” it is an actual thing… it’s called “limerance” look it up… When reality sets in… people often realize what happened… but (more often than not with people who make jumps like this) they begin to blame the “new” person or look for “solace” with the “old” person. Oy…. what is wonderful is that you are doing the footwork to change what you will accept in a relationship so… he will begin to look less and less appealing to you… I would never take my ex back. I know now that he would never be able to have my back the way I really want a mate to “have my back!” 🙂 D.

  4. That’s hitting the nail on the head!
    I’ve even caught myself recently reminiscing farther back in time … To the good times mode.

    Although he had been at the center of my world for so long, I have moved away from traces of “us”.

    I have to be careful if/when I would see him.
    Won’t repeat the past.
    More so to not choose someone like him to spend time with.
    It was odd to be so close in many ways even during the closure of our marriage… Yet it was toxic if you know what I mean.

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