When we lose people to death, we take time to mourn the loss and celebrate their lives.
When we go through a divorce, we are often told to:
Get over it!
Don’t you shed even one more tear for that ex of yours.
When I lost my husband… it felt like a death… and… it felt like I was unable to mourn his loss.
He was still walking around in the world… he had chosen to leave… I was left behind… shouldn’t I be too angry to mourn his loss?
The truth was that I missed him terribly despite the pain that we had just experienced together.
I missed our shared history, the way he could make me laugh, the proud knowing look that came over our faces when we watched our children at play.
It was a hard loss.
Today, my ex-husband stands in my kitchen as I write this… I can hear him laughing with our son, chatting with my mother… and when I step out to greet him, we will hug and laugh and remember our years together with joy.
In the beginning… remembrance brought pain but now… it holds us together as a family. And even though our lives are now separate… they are still connected through our shared past.
“Dear God, help me to remember that all is not lost. That the record of our lives is still held in the passage of time and that it is safe and ready to be shared when the pain subsides.”