November 9th: Obsessive Thoughts

When I was first going through my divorce, I would often fall victim to obsessive thoughts.

I would allow myself to pick up a thread of an idea and run with it thinking the worst possible things… until I was completely drained… exhausted by my own making.

I would torture myself believing that my ex-husband suddenly had it all: the perfect life, the perfect person, that he was off running around the world care-free and I was left behind… miserable and alone.

It was a story, a movie of my own making, that I would run over and over and over again until I fell into self-despair.

Obsessive thoughts are addictive.

Obsessive thoughts are dangerous.

If I allow my mind to wander into territory that I know harbors past ills, and caters to my shadow self then I will end up distraught… unable to let go and move on.

Today, I still struggle with obsessive thoughts, but I now know the consequences of picking up that thread and running with it…

It will only bring chaos and pain… it is better for me to stop my mind from holding me hostage… I must learn to exercise control over behavior that is self-destructive.

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“Dear God, help me to let go of my obsessive thoughts.  Help me to have the strength to walk away from my obsession, to control my mind and use it to move forward on my spiritual path instead of falling backwards into despair and disillusionment.”

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