April 28th: The Gift

April 28th-The Gift

My divorce was very difficult for me to accept.

I had been with my husband many years.

We had experienced life at its best and its worst.

We had raised children, buried parents, struggled with financial burdens, and rejoiced in financial gains.

We created a world together and when we separated, it was very hard to let the dream of what we were… what we could be… go.

I have been asked by many people since, “Do you regret the time you spent with him? Do you wish you could take it back so that you wouldn’t have had to feel the pain of divorce?”

And the answer has always been and always will be, “No.”

How could I regret the birth of my children?

How could I regret the joys I have witnessed as they have lived and grown into the truly wonderful people they are today?

To give up all the pain I have experienced would mean I would also have to give up all the joy:

The togetherness that we shared as a couple, the history of our lives during that specific period of time: a moment that will never be known by anyone the way it is known by my former husband.

I do not regret the love he gave to me.

I do not regret the love I gave to him.

I learned many things from our time together, both good and bad, and now I use those experiences to help my own grown children navigate their relationships. I offer my experience, strength and hope, my extensive time in a marriage to be a guide, a voice of reason, an advocate to help them when they struggle with those they so dearly love.

“Dear God, thank you for the gift of marriage. Thank you for allowing me to experience true joy, through giving myself honestly and openly to someone I loved.”

13 thoughts on “April 28th: The Gift

  1. I agree that I wouldn’t want to not have my children, but I don’t know how to be thankful yet. I will continue saying that prayer until I can mean it. Thank you. It’s funny, my devotional today said “in all things be thankful” and I thought I had it down pretty well until I read this. πŸ˜‰

  2. I found your blog several months ago and look forward to your posts every day. It’s amazing how many times your reflections sync with what I am experiencing or feeling on that particular day.

    Today is my 35th wedding anniversary. I have been struggling for the last two years to let go of the marriage that he destroyed with his betrayal and lies. I know β€œthat” marriage no longer exists and the marriage and life we were supposed to have as we grew old together will never be.

    Every day I try to remember to be grateful for all that I do have in my life. I am especially grateful for the two wonderful, loving adult children that I am blessed to have in my life. I wouldn’t change that for anything!

    Thank you for sharing every day. Your words mean so much and are so obviously heart-felt.

    • Amy I’m so sorry for the loss of your 35 year marriage… that is an amazing amount of time to spend with someone… the lies and the betrayal are especially hard to deal with… I remember someone I respected saying to me…. it hurts more knowing that you stayed long after you should have left… boy… was that hard to hear…. what happened in my marriage with lies and betrayals left me feeling vulnerable, wounded, and it was hard to trust again… it took a very long time to truly open myself to have another relationship. My adult children remind me what I loved… why I loved… and also the work I now have to do to share my experience, strength and hope with them in relation to healthy partners! Sometimes they listen… sometimes they have to experience it! πŸ™‚ D.

  3. I agree. Much lived,loved,and learned for me and my ex. Wouldn’t take it back. But have to move forward with hope for what’s better and remembering the lessons I’ve learned!

  4. I can’t imagine my life with out Theresa and Denise, and their wonderful children! Makes living with that womanizing bastard worth it πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  5. Patricia…. love your “much lived, loved and learned” that should be hanging up on a plaque somewhere for us to see everyday! Elizabeth I’m so glad my post resonated for you today…. the responses I receive from you and Patricia resonate for me as well… I’m happy to know that we are all on a shared journey… makes me feel connected… πŸ™‚ D.

  6. Thank you, D, and to all here on this post today, too!. I’m “getting through” because of this great opportunity to share.

  7. I forgot to mention something before I did the last post. I appreciate everything that is share here today! …
    A couple of my friends have told me that the true “gift” I have received, is to be freed from the marriage and the difficult situation I was in. I am beginning to see this and understand that it’s so true. So, for me, the “gift” is what I had in my marriage, and the “gift” now is the release from it. Very painful at times… but true.

    • Yes… you are right…. the second gift is the freedom from the marriage…. I wasn’t able to see it in the beginning… but today… I would never go back…. πŸ™‚ D.

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