In the beginning stages of separation and divorce I found that nothing could override the hurt:
Not a kind word.
Not gratitude.
Not spiritual footwork.
No matter what good surrounded me…. the hurt still permeated my heart.
This did not mean that I didn’t appreciate the kind word…
Cling to my gratitude…
Struggle to move forward through spiritual footwork…
I did… and I worked my best to keep my spirit strong for my children.
But hurt still ruled the day.
Sometimes in life… there is no getting around the hurt and the pain… the despair caused by a great and terrible loss.
The only way to ever heal is to allow time to mend the wound.
We give time to our physical pains: a broken arm… a broken leg…. but what about our broken heart?
I have learned I mustn’t be so hard on myself when I have a feeling… I must accept that today… I am hurt… and tomorrow I might still be hurt…. but if I continue to appreciate the kind word, hold fast to my gratitude, work to move forward on my spiritual path, then someday, hopefully in the near future, I will feel well enough again and able to move on with a strong heart.
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“Dear God, help me to accept my pain. Help me to see it as a marker of how deeply I loved… how much I was willing to give… and bring me the strength to be open to love once again when I am ready.”
Daily Divorce Meditations 
This is exactly how I am feeling. I am beyond hurt when I think about what my husband did to our family. I try to have good days and most of the time I do, but if I didn’t have my kiddies I don’t know where I would be in this process. The pain is the same as if it were yesterday, its been nine months since he abandoned us. I feel as if my heart has been ripped from my chest. My husband destroyed me to the core of my being. I have never experienced pain like this before. Everyone keeps saying it will get better, but I don’t see it.
Oh Kae…. I so wish I could hug you. I have been where you are and I have felt what you have felt and I promise it will get better… just keep moving forward for your children… do things for you that make you feel better in this moment… I was hurting for so long… over a year…. mourning the loss of my twenty year marriage…. I’m here for you. D.
Kae… thinking of you today… it has been a year now… I’m wondering how you are doing… I hope well. D.
I still have such a hard time with hurting. The betrayal, the lies, the memories all wrapped into one. Heading into a year next month having moved apart I still have moments or hours when the pain filters in. You’re right, time is turning out to be the strongest healer.
Patricia, if I let my mind run…. I struggle with the memories of hurt as well. However… not over my husband. 🙂 I have had enough time to heal from that relationship… but…. I find myself struggling with hurt in regards to some of my relationships between my divorce and my current relationship… I tended to pick the same men as my husband when I first dated… and I put myself in situations where I re-created the old relationship and ended up hurt again… today I am thankful that I have chosen a different type of partner: one who is present and committed. But… at times… I still feel old wounds regarding what I put myself through after my divorce. It is a learning process… and time does bring relief and spiritual growth. 🙂 D.
Just what I needed to read today. I am still caught of guard by how much the emotions, pain, doubt, and fear can completely overwhelm me. It has been two years since the discovery of his secret life, and those two years have been filled with continual lies. He is forcing me to be the one to initiate the divorce (after 37 years). I came close last fall, but I backed out at the last minute – I was just blindsided and paralyzed by the pain and fear. This time I am trying to tell myself I just need to push through it and get to the other side. I read here every day for strength.
Kammie, you know what’s funny? My husband pushed me to initiate the divorce as well… as if that somehow made him “less” of a bad guy if I filed. At first, I didn’t want to… I kept thinking we might figure it out… but I finally filed and began to move forward with my life. You will get through this and I’m glad my words are here for you… I have been where you are… I promise you it will get better. I promise. D.
Still struggling with the “hurt” that underlies and clouds all other emotions almost three years out…thanks for another resonating post.
It really does get easier over time… I know three years often seems forever in these situations but I rarely think of painful experiences with my ex-husband these days… you will see it diminishing over time as you walk your path and move on. 🙂 D.
And I loved your “Stranger things can happen… ” post… really poignant and so thoughtful and honest. D.