When I would leave my job at lunch time, I would find myself walking somberly to my car, quietly opening the gate at work, quietly opening the door to the car… no expressions crossing my face… the perfect picture of calm yet once inside my vehicle: the tears would flow. I couldn’t stop it. I would find myself crying each time I reached the sanctity of my car. It wasn’t just a lunch time thing. I could be driving to the store, coming home from the gym, heading back from taking the kids to a water polo practice… always alone in my car when suddenly… the tears would flow. I would sob like an injured child. Sob, trying to find a way to come to terms with my loss. I would try to understand. I would try to find logic, but I just couldn’t. They were feelings and my feelings had to be released through tears. Tears are good for us. They clean our souls. They help us to heal from our wounds. They provide a much needed release from our stress and our pain. Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself your own private place, your own sanctuary, where you will not be disturbed…where your tears can flow freely until they flow no more. Cry. Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to release your pain through your tears and when you are through, take a deep breath, calm your mind, and go back to the business of your day. “Dear God, help me to work through my feelings. Allow my tears to flow and clean my soul of pain. Allow me to express my sadness through the release of crying.”
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Daily Divorce Meditations 
I used to cry when I would run. The sweat hid the tears and the movement kept me from staying sad for too long.
Ahhhhhh… I just came back from walking in the park and read this… movement really does make a difference…. I used to think to myself “write… walk… pray”
: )
I’ve never cried a lot during my life. It’s not my nature, but I sure did during the 5 months my ex and I stayed together and sold the house . It was amicable on the surface , but devastating in every other way.
He practiced emotional / psychological abuse to get through it all apparently.
We both cried a ton . Letting go of emotions , anger , fear , and looking toward the unknown (even though he thought he had a “plan”)
I felt like I was crying non-stop –
For me it was total anger and frustration – as if my partner had died. I didn’t know really why I was crying much of the time.
But I look back now and those tears came if and when they needed to — I suspect part of healing .
Same with me Patricia…. I’m pretty stoic. But I felt like Diane Keaton in “Something’s Gotta Give” the scene where she wakes up after the break-up… opens her eyes and starts bawling. That’s how I was then! 🙂 But I had to mourn…. I had to be sad and get through it…. losing that marriage was devastating to me…. and I’ve said so many times before that I would never wish a divorce on anyone… such a horrible situation to walk through… but it really did change my life and bring me to a better place. 🙂 D.
I have to agree , D, and I’m in a better place as well – and yes I know those scenes in something’s gotta give – she was hilarious … And I can relate. 🙂
The divorce was so disappointing and I felt like such a failure.
But certainly was the right thing to have happen.
Now I know I did what I could , and the new path is where I’m learning , growing , and moving along !
And remember… HE gave up… not you! You are not the failure in this situation. 🙂 You would have fought to make it work until the end… but your HIGHER POWER has way better plans for you! 🙂 D.
What’s so interesting about this is I can relate to crying in my car the same way – but it was after my son died. Just like you, I was stoic and calm outside, but once inside my car it all changed.
Now, with my divorce – I haven’t really cried much. I have experienced a lot of emotion and cry easily at the drop of a hat. I think because I had health issues coinciding with my divorce, that has given me a different focus. I am very sad about it and struggle to stay positive, thankfully most of the time I have a handle on it because I have music that I love.
That is a lot… the loss of your son… the loss of a spouse… the loss of good health… sometimes it feels like we are weighted down and struggling to stay positive. I know exactly what you mean in regards to your music. Judy, are you feeling better about the divorce today?
Thanks for asking, deedee. I think you said it in a way that resonates – I feel battered. And weighted down truly describes how I gained a lot of weight dealing with the stress, menopause and eye issues.
I think numbness describes my state. I never really felt “badly” about the divorce. I’ve just been so proud of the courage that I had to go through with it.
And recently, writing stories about how my children have come out of it were very healing for me. I think that losing my spouse was actually something that freed me – he pulled me down and I have no feeling for him at all. Years of apathy turned to dislike and I’m just amazed I spent so much of my life with him. He moved so far away from his children and in a way that’s much easier for me. Sadly, he doesn’t seem to care much about keeping in touch with two of his kids – the one he does connect with is very affected by the separation; not in a good way.
I have a lot of hope that I’ll continue to blossom back to my old self. I’m working hard with my health issues now and thankful (as you understand) to have music to help me. Really appreciate you, deedee!
Oh Judy…. I know about weight gain and stress and menopause! Oy! You can tell how well I am doing following my own posts by the rise and fall of my weight! 🙂 I’m up in weight right now too… caretaking and menopause takes a hard toll and I am working to put “first things first” and take care of me so I can take care of everyone (Oxygen mask on you first… then the person you are trying to help) 😉
My ex plays music with my son… but they don’t communicate on a daily basis and he rarely talks to our daughter. Two silver-linings from this situation? 1. I was able to direct more influence on our children, due to his absence, which has been a God send and 2. My children are at an age where they can see what type of adults/parents they want to be and they both, after this experience, put family first.
Your child that is affected by the separation… that is always hard… I’ve learned to be supportive and be kind when speaking about my ex… that helped my kids. BIG HUG to you Judy. I’m always here for you. D.
Thank you so much for even more insight – I realize you are soooo right about having more influence over our children. They clearly see things now as adults and it has helped me a lot.
And you gave me a smile – I have not noticed any weight fluctuations on you. Just shows how we focus on ourselves more than we realize. You look beautiful and I’ve enjoyed seeing more about your life on FB. Appreciate your support so much!