There have been many times in life where I have had to make sacrifices.

In my marriage, I often sacrificed things for the greater good of our relationship.

And today, in all of my relationships, I still continue to make sacrifices for the greater good.

Often, people hear the word “sacrifice” and they see it as a negative… something they have to give up… something that they might resent doing… but that is not sacrifice.

If I choose to sacrifice something for the “greater good” it means that I value the people or the reasons that I am giving it up for… much more then the thing I want.

If moving to a new place might provide me with a fantastic job opportunity, adventure and new experiences but I must receive these gifts at the cost of leaving my home, and my family and friends, then maybe I might choose to give up that opportunity because I value more… what I already have.

If I make my decisions without fear and without regret… then I am staying true to the path that my Higher Power has chosen for me.

A sacrifice should be made with the best intentions: from a willing heart, a clear mind, and a sound spiritual foundation.

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“Dear God, help me to be clear in my wants and needs. Help me to put longing for things aside if they are not in my best interest or in the best interest of those I love and care for.”

This morning as I was starting my day, I began to think of many of the things I was longing for: basically… people or events I hoped would one day enter my life and bring me joy and happiness.

But then… I stopped myself.

I believe it is fine to daydream or strive towards having things that I want but… I realized that I had been thinking about “the next big thing” or “the attention of someone I longed for” too much lately and that I was not living in the reality of the moment.

The reality of today?

I have a great life with many great people in it.

I have a life full of joy and happiness.

I have a life where I am loved and where I give love.

I was missing so many great moments by looking forward to what I may have someday instead of looking at what I did have today: a good life.

I am thankful today for being reminded to focus on reality and not fantasy.

Being grateful for what I have, staying in the moment and enjoying life… with my thoughts and my feet planted firmly in the day… is where my Higher Power wants me to be.

There is nothing wrong with longing for things in my future, hoping that I will one day receive what I so badly want… but if it is all I can think about, if it takes away from my day-to-day life, then I am losing time… missing out on everything and everyone good around me… while I pin my heart to a fantasy.

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“Dear God, thank you for filling my life with joy and happiness. Thank you for surrounding me with beloved friends and family. Help me to be present in each day… aware and thankful of your gifts.”

I am not a quiet person and I did not grow up in a quiet family but I still relish the time when I can find silence in the middle of noisy chaos.

Silence can calm a restless mind and silence can also open it to solutions.

When I find myself becoming overwhelmed, I take the time to find a moment of solitude:

A walk in the Nature Center by my house on one of the quiet paths.

A silent moment in my car, parked on top of a hill, looking out over my city or…

A short weekend trip, away from day-to-day life, where I can rest peacefully by the lake and watch as nature unfolds.

These moments of silence, whether they last just a few minutes or a few days, like prayer, soothe my spirit and rejuvenate my heart.

When I find myself unable to make decisions…

When I find myself being at odds with those around me…

I must make time to step out of the frenzy of my daily world and make room for silent moments.

These moments are a gift that help me to once again find balance and God’s grace.

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“Dear God, help me to find a moment of quiet respite when I am lost in the chaos of my world. Help me to see that I must make time to find peace… in nature and solitude.”

I have always been a caretaker.

Even before my marriage, all the way back into my childhood, I was taught to care for others first.

There have been numerous times in my life that I have thrown everything to the side to run head-on into another person’s crisis in order to help them get through it.

I always loved being needed… loved stepping in and saving the day… loved the rewards I reaped by seeming so “competent and together.”

But, over time I became tired, worn out. My own world neglected while I worked, usually to the point of exhaustion, helping someone else overcome their own chaos.

The “super hero” in me wanted to be there for everyone but often, by stepping in, I was teaching others to look to me for help first… before learning to come up with their own solutions to their problems or crisis.

I realized I was doing a disservice to my friends and family… impeding their own spiritual growth… each time I just “handled things.”

There is nothing wrong with being there for the people you love and helping them through troubled times: It is an admirable quality to be an anchor for someone during a storm.

But, when I use my care-taking to people please, distract myself from my own needs, work, or problems… or to save others from consequences of actions or learning how to manage their own lives… then I need to look at my behavior and change it.

Today, if it is a “true” crisis and I am called upon by a friend or family member to assist in the problem… I am present in their moment of pain and I wait for their direction to proceed.

I offer support when called upon instead of stepping in and doing what I believe is best for all involved.

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“Dear God, help me to be present for friends and family during a crisis. Help me to be supportive while allowing them the right to navigate their own path. Help me to share my experience, strength, hope, and direction only when they ask for my guidance.”

While going through my divorce, it was easy to blame my husband for everything.

All public opinion had been on my side… people were shocked that he had left such a good and loving wife… angry that he had abandoned me… upset that he had hurt me… and our children.

At first, I liked that I was being perceived as the “good one” and the “saint” while he was being considered the “devil” himself.

And… for the first year or two of our divorce… I allowed him to be the one who was handed all of the blame… my pain and anger too great to admit any fault of mine to him.

After many months of spiritual footwork, I began to be more honest about our entire marriage and my part in our break-up.

Had I been a good and loving wife? Yes… of course I had. But… I had to admit that I often took a lot of pride in being the one who was seen as perfect while he was seen as the man that would continue to fail me.

After awhile, when outsiders would accuse my ex-husband of every fault they could imagine, blame him for our failed marriage, I would say, “Marriages are hard… we both made a lot of mistakes” and stop the conversation at that.

Blame does not fix the problem.

Blame does not create a solution.

Blame pushes the truth away so that we never have to look at our part in a difficult situation.

By letting blame go, I was able to look at my marriage with honest eyes, learn from my own mistakes… and my ex-husband’s… and move forward into a new life where I would be able to focus on better spiritual practices in all of my relationships.

I know now, that I must take time to look at all sides of a situation… to try to understand another person’s actions instead of immediately assigning blame.

It does not mean that I condone bad behavior… it just means that I look at what may have brought on that behavior in another human being and did I have any part in the problem.

If I choose to assign blame… if I am unwilling to look at this problem honestly… I might make a judgement call that could impede my own spiritual growth.

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“Dear God, help me not to make rash judgements or hide behind blame. Help me to have the strength to willingly look at all sides of a problem with an open heart and an open mind.”

I have always believed in the power of prayer.

While going through my divorce, I prayed daily… often asking God for specific things or specific answers to questions I had about my life.

Many times… I just bowed my head and let my tears fall.

After awhile, I began to write my prayers in my daily journal, to remind myself what I had asked for from my Higher Power.

A year went by, my marriage ended, my husband moved on, and I continued to work towards mending my broken heart and it was then… that I looked back through my journal and saw each of my daily prayers.

I was stunned to realize that most of them had been answered.

I have heard it said before that when you ask God for answers or ask God to bring you specific things… to remember what you asked for… prayed for… when the gift comes your way.

Today I am blessed with so many wonderful gifts from God and when I pray, I bow my head and thank him for all he has given to me.

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“Dear God, thank you for bringing me so many wonderful gifts. I couldn’t even imagine what you had planned for me and what you have in store for me in the future.”

Yesterday, I woke up from a horrible dream.

One of my friends had been the key figure in it… and I immediately felt the need to contact him and warn him to be careful at work that day.

He wrote back, “I’m okay… glad that you care about me… I will be careful but remember… I’m in God’s hands.”

It reminded me that he was absolutely right.

I could do all of the footwork but the ultimate outcome was in my Higher Power’s hands.

I thought back to my divorce: how I worked to fix my marriage.

I did everything that my husband asked for and still the ultimate outcome was divorce.

Why?

Because it was in God’s hands.

While engulfed in the pain of that time period, I could not see that maybe leaving something in God’s hands was in my own best interest.

Always goal driven… I expected my footwork to produce the outcome I wanted: a saved marriage.

Today, I believe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be… I am learning exactly what I am supposed to learn… I am on my spiritual path and so I walk forward, willing to do the footwork, but leaving the rest in God’s hands.

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“Dear God, help me to remember it is your will not my will. Help me to let go and leave the outcome in your hands.”

Sometimes, I want something so much that I am unwilling to look and see if it is really in my best interest.

During my divorce, I was so hurt… and my pride and ego were so inflamed… that I often caught myself doing things to get my husband back that I never thought I would do.

One night, I lit a candle and said a prayer. In the prayer I said out loud to my Higher Power, “Please bring him back to me” and at the end of the statement… I felt something inside of me hedge.

I stopped and stayed in the moment.

I could see clearly all of the reasons why I wanted him back and all of the reasons why I should no longer be with him.

The next day when I lit the candle, I prayed for my soon-to-be ex-husband’s happiness and that God would bring him whatever he needed.

Sometimes I still, catch myself being dishonest to my true self.

I must always be conscience in my words, actions and deeds, to make sure that I am following my spiritual path and not following my ego or my pride.
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“Dear God, help me to be honest with myself. I may want something, long for something so much… but that does not mean it is in my best interest. Help me to let go and believe in your choices for me.”

There is always a peace-of-mind that comes over me after I make a decision.

A moment of serenity after I have chosen a specific path.

Often… when I am struggling with something… turning it over again-and-again in my mind… I find that everything in my life suffers from the limbo.

I am chaotic.

I am frenetic.

I am at odds with the world.

But once the decision I need to make is made… no matter how unpleasant it may be… everything seems to right itself.

Each time I choose to be brave, let something go, make a decision, and move forward, I find that I become more in tune with my spiritual path and calm in regards to my life choices.

Decisions can be difficult… but living in limbo is worse.

Limbo leaves me stranded in the past and unwilling to move towards the future.

I must have the strength to make the best decision I can make today and use that decision to walk bravely forward.

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“Dear God, help me to make decisions wisely. Help me to ask for guidance from you, trusted friends and loved ones, and then move forward with surety in my choice and on my life path.”