When I was going through my divorce, I lost all perspective of the world outside of my world.
In hindsight, I do not blame myself for my lack of perspective. I realize that my pain, my despair, blinded me to others in need.
I was wounded… worn… unable to focus past my own obsession and see, so to speak, “The forest beyond the trees.”
But now I have learned from my experience and I choose to behave differently in the present. And today, I was reminded of the forest.
Reminded that there are many people in this world suffering their own terrible setbacks and losses and that I need to focus on the bigger picture when I find myself locked into thinking that it is “all about me” and my own despair.
When I feel overcome by the pain of my own life, if I can find it in my heart to be there for someone else who is also in pain, I lighten my own burden through the gift of compassion.
It can be so difficult to step back from my own emotional crisis but if I begin a daily practice of giving to others, I will soon regain my perspective and see the forest once again through the trees.
“Dear God, help me to see things from a higher perspective. Help me to have faith in your plan and to be compassionate other people’s needs.”
I was telling my good friend yesterday about how I discovered this blog that is written by a wise woman who survived a divorce and how she writes about the pain and loss and healing in a way that is so visceral I feel and understand her words deep within my being. I told her how I found it in the middle of another sleepless night…searching for anything to help me through the night…and how her words have given me a supportive compass with which I use to try to put perspective and faith and trust into my own journey through my divorce and grief. I am very grateful that you share your journey and healing…you have helped me immensely in moments where I struggled to make “just one more step”. Thank you for your compassion to others who are walking this precarious road and for reminding me that although I am hurting and don’t “like” this part of God’s plan for me, I can reach out in small ways to help lighten the load of another.
Thank you so much for writing this message… When I hear from you… your words reach out to me and lightening my heart… knowing that they can reach you…. help to pull you through… gives me great comfort. I’m here… please know that… I look forward to the day when you write to tell me… you are through the pain 🙂 D.
Beautiful post and so nice to read the comments here.
I started down the post divorce road not quite a year ago and I feel relief coming
… And I was guilty of feeling really hurt, grouchy , victimized …
Now finally I’m finding joyful moments with friends and my mind is starting to focus elsewhere–such as on others who count on you , rather than just listening to myself grieve.
We are fortunate indeed – I’m grateful to have made progress.
I’m glad you are seeing your progress, Patricia! I can see it too 🙂 And so glad you are beginning to find joy again! D.
Been reading the blog each day for over a week , saw comments from last year. Didn’t have much to say except “yes” 🙂
I recognize vividly that this post divorce world is a process and sometimes a labyrinth of confusing thoughts.
A friend told me it would take two years to start to function on my own and alleviate that early morning chatter that as you said – ” finds me getting the trashcan by my bedside to be nauseated as I face that day.” Well that happened.
Being close to two years ( early July ) since my ex and I parted , the clouds literally started to clear last week.
I think it was the last gasp of old messages, old ID info , old addresses … All done now 🙂
I will be reading and continuing here – we all have so much to learn and can grow.
I’m finally waking wondering what I can do with life each day. And how I can push myself forward more and create a life.
What blew my mind was “taking care of business” like using med insurance without worry etc
I was totally submerged … To the tune of 9 years .
Each appointment I’ve done they said – whoa… Where have you been!? Don’t do that anymore!
Patricia it was so nice to read this message this morning and I am so glad to here that you are moving past the grief. When I began writing my posts, I knew that I wanted it to be a continuous thread and that as people read it a year later, or their comments a year later… they would be able to see their growth or what they were still struggling with… Also, I knew that as people who were new to the thread joined in… they would see that they were not alone. I was with my husband for close to 20 years and as you know from my posts and my comments… it was a hard loss. Today, I see that my ex and I were on two very different paths and that I am living the life today I was meant to live with a partner that compliments who I am. I am glad the clouds are parting for you. 🙂 D.