October 4th: Anger

During my divorce, I often felt angry.

There were days when it seemed everyone was given the privileged to enjoy the “gift” of my wrath.

I would snap at my children, my friends, my students, my co-workers only to be mortified after my outburst: humiliated that I had “acted out.”

At first I thought that this displaced anger was really an emotion that should be directed at my soon to be ex-husband but then, I realized, the person I was most angry with was myself.

I was angry that I had not expressed my anger in a healthy way to my spouse: during our marriage… or during our divorce.

We would often fall into battles of blaming, judging, yelling, and that did nothing more than increase our anger.

It is not healthy to hold anger in… but it is not healthy to be abusive when letting anger out.

I learned during this trying time that I had to express my anger by emphasizing my needs and by not engaging in another battle.

If I could not be mature enough to express my anger in a constructive way… then maybe I needed to step back from the situation and wait until I could.

It did not mean that I had to hold my anger forever… It just meant that I had to hold my anger until I could express it safely.

“Dear God, help me to remain calm when expressing my needs and wants from another human being. Help me to see that they are doing the best they can on the path you have chosen for them.”

6 thoughts on “October 4th: Anger

  1. I had the opportunity to suffer even further due to anger. I’m fairly mellow , stoic as people would characterize , but when I do get really irked , I become a specialist πŸ™‚
    I also realized later on that it was anger holding me , and not so much a broken heart.

    • For me it was ego. I just didn’t want to admit that I had “failed” to make the marriage work. Then… someone very dear to me said it isn’t your failure… it’s his. You would have tried to make it work to the end. (sigh) That freed my mind up and allowed me to look at my part in things specifically boundaries and my lack of them at the time. πŸ™‚ D.

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