October 6th: Boundaries

To this day I still have a very hard time keeping boundaries.

My tendency has always been to give too much of myself to everyone and leaving me in the end: worn-out and frustrated.

Part of me has always thought that the more I gave; the more people would know that I truly loved them but…

often times, my friends and family were left feeling that they could never do enough to compare with what I had given them or… in debt to me and resentful.

There is nothing wrong with being a generous person unless your generosity is being used to “please” others.

Over the years, I have learned to watch my actions and pull back if necessary and work on my boundaries.

If I feel myself become anxious, stressed, or helpless after giving too much…

or by accepting actions from another person that seem totally unacceptable to me…

I know that it is time to stop, assess the situation, and re-establish secure boundaries.

Having boundaries does not mean that I have to be “rigid” with all of my actions and rules.

Having boundaries lets others know what I will tolerate, how I am willing to be treated, and helps me to build self-respect and set an example for those who love me.

“Dear God, help me to be generous to others, while staying true to myself.”

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6 thoughts on “October 6th: Boundaries

  1. Not having boundaries may have been one of the issues with my marriage. I was so eager to please, to be kind and generous and just “knew” that it would be reciprocated by being there to really help me (and help us…) when we needed it so much. Well, it didn’t go that way obviously! Instead I am now learning that being there for others has to have its definition and ultimately, limits. Sometimes I think I’ve fallen into a chronic caretaker mentality, and I have to avoid that! Thank you for such an insightful post.

  2. Yes… we keep giving and giving and hoping for some sort of reciprocation and then we have given so much it feels very difficult to walk away when we should.

  3. Yes, you are so right. I’m sure that much of why I held on so long and didn’t suggest divorce a few years ago…

  4. Yes, both – and it’s been awhile ! Going to reread the book.
    I recently reread an article of hers (from a few years back) on divorce, in the Huffington Post. Her ability to nail the truth makes one laugh and cry!

  5. I know she is so great…. everytime I read Heartburn or watch the film it reminds me of my marriage and reminds me how lucky I am in my new life. 🙂

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