When I was first going through my divorce, I would often fall victim to obsessive thoughts.
I would allow myself to pick up a thread of an idea and run with it thinking the worst possible things… until I was completely drained… exhausted by my own making.
I would torture myself believing that my ex-husband suddenly had it all: the perfect life, the perfect person, that he was off running around the world care-free and I was left behind… miserable and alone.
It was a story, a movie of my own making, that I would run over and over and over again until I fell into self-despair.
Obsessive thoughts are addictive.
Obsessive thoughts are dangerous.
If I allow my mind to wander into territory that I know harbors past ills, and caters to my shadow self then I will end up distraught… unable to let go and move on.
Today, I still struggle with obsessive thoughts, but I now know the consequences of picking up that thread and running with it…
It will only bring chaos and pain… it is better for me to stop my mind from holding me hostage… I must learn to exercise control over behavior that is self-destructive.
“Dear God, help me to let go of my obsessive thoughts. Help me to have the strength to walk away from my obsession, to control my mind and use it to move forward on my spiritual path instead of falling backwards into despair and disillusionment.”
Getting OUT of my OWN brain is the hardest thing to do. I’m with ya on this one!
Oh I can obsess on anything… a problem… a song… a person… I have to be very careful not to let my mind run wild and stay focused 🙂
I’d say this is the most challenging area for me. I’m starting to move my thoughts out of the past to a great degree, but everything you mentioned… the perfect life, now with the perfect person, no cares or worries as he travels around, lives in other places, (obviously much more happy and carefree than I am…).
I go into that resentment mode: it’s not fair, I’ve been left behind to rebuild my life. I
I don’t want to act like a victim!
I’m actually starting to see and feel freedom, and the relinquishing of so much worry, as I’m working through this.
But I still get that “movie” playing in my head and I can turn it into a blockbuster.
Patricia… of course this was just my experience but let me share this with you… my husband did do some things with his new wife that he chose not to do with me… but in the end… the “newness” of their relationship wore off and everything he had done to me he ended up doing to her: cheating, addiction, separation the WHOLE thing… they are still together but it is far from a happy existence. It is good to remember that without counseling or growth… whatever they did TO YOU…. they 99 percent of the time will DO to the next woman. Turn that movie off… you only have one life and you don’t want to waste any more of it! 🙂 I’m here for you! 🙂 D.
I am a master story-teller. I love what you wrote because I have wasted so much energy telling stories about what other people are doing or thinking of me. These stories spin in my mind and are hard to let go of. I try to replace them with better stories or none at all. It’s not easy!
My favorite mentor Judy… a woman of about 70… loves to tell me… when I start going off on my “stories”
Oh… that’s an interesting story you are telling yourself.
Now, every time I start to go there… I hear her voice! 😀
Thank you ! What you both wrote is just “right on” and I am so appreciative of sharing here.
We’re here! 🙂
This is STILL so tough
There are times when I wonder where all the chatter comes from
You are right , it’s allowing obsessive thought – and most of it is irrelevant and echoes from the past !
Hi Patricia, we have a new follower that commented on the 11-09 post… if you get a chance… give her a shout out… I think it would really help. D.
Patricia I have really been working on this as well… I can obsess on anything. 🙂 You have to fight to turn that chatter off… keep yourself busy and occupied in positive pursuits… that usually works for me! 🙂 D.
Thank you. On April 17 th my husband of 25 years came home 🏠 from and told he he had fallen out of love ❤ with me and left me that day. I have lost my job over this as I am so sad 😔 and depressed.
Stephanie, I am so very sorry. I know how hurt you are… I’ve been there. It is a difficult road to walk but I promise you that you WILL get through this… there are a lot of great people at this site that are willing to share their experience, strength, and hope.
I’m here for you… and I made it through… you will too! D.
Stephanie – I’m so sorry as well , and I can relate to the pain … It’s taken time to move forward , but as D mentioned , and I’ve been on here for two years … You will be alright , your life will move ahead , and the clouds will clear. Leave yourself open to family and friends to be there – they care more than you may realize right now.
D … Again I can’t believe the timing of this entry based on what’s going on .
I have 0 idea why , but a few days again an old pattern returned – no sleep , chatter about every possible thing to worry about – roommate , the business , and some of the worst playback of episodes of living with my ex those months before we sold the house .
It’s getting better but it actually feels like s relapse ! :-0
Relapses are completely normal… we ALL have them… myself included but remember… as time goes on… I have found that they are fewer and the spaces between relapses… longer. Look at what’s triggering you… find ways to have a sense of control (cleaning, organizing paperwork for the business, walking, anything that makes you feel accomplished at your task). You’ve been doing great. 🙂 D.
Thanks; I’ve really been feeling good and was surprised at this crash. Found myself trying to “control” or project into the future what can/should/shouldn’t/will happen on about everything!
That’s a great reminder — go get control of things by making headway on what I can do.
And none of it is reality; even if if was, you figure things out, make changes, and keep going. Coincidentally, I found out today from my friend that is in touch with my ex intermittently, that things aren’t so rosy. Some of this chatters feels like I’ve been picking up vibes about him because we knew each other so well. And, it’s already subsiding.
It NEVER is “rosy” 🙂 You can’t jump from one person to another and expect it to be “different”
He will either have to work through it with his new partner or he will jump again. Either way… you are now out of the line of fire and moving on with your own wonderful life! 🙂 D.
Sooooo true ! ☺️