Out of all of my character flaws… the one that irks me the most… is my bad habit of comparing.
During my divorce, this flaw really wore me out: I would constantly have an inner dialogue running that did nothing more than torture me.
My self-esteem took such a hit, during that painful time in my life, that I thought things I would never think… that were so out of character for me.
I basically wanted to change everything about myself in hopes that my husband would come back or…
I wanted to succeed in absolutely every area of my life… just to show him what he had lost.
I was doing so many things for all the wrong reasons.
I believed that if my husband could just see that no other woman compared to me and that he was missing out by not being with me… he would suddenly have a change of heart and come running back to me.
It was exhausting living my life this way.
When I finally did some spiritual footwork and was able to bring this character flaw back into check… I was able to see that I was living life for him…. and not for myself.
I was living life in competition with a “fantasy.”
Today I know, it doesn’t matter how I compare to anyone else in the world as long as I am working towards being my best self and living my best life… for me.
My husband didn’t leave because there was something “better” or even “worse” out there for him… my husband left because for whatever reason, our marriage, our relationship, was not working for him.
Today, I live my life for me.
From time-to-time, I still struggle and fight with comparing myself to others… but I know now… that as long as I am true to myself in my actions… there is no need for comparisons.
“Dear God, help me to see the gifts that you have bestowed upon me. Help me to fight the urge to compare myself to anyone… to live my life true to your will, without falling victim to ego and envy.”
I’m having to work hard at breaking the habit of comparing (even feeling more self-esteem so I’m not comparing myself to other peoples’ progress or successes) — not because I’d want my ex to return or really care again, but it’s almost as if I don’t want him “to win” or have him feel I’m not coping. It truly is a fantasy game in my head.