In my marriage, I would often allow my husband’s problems to become my own.
He could arrive home in a bad mood, worked up about some trivial thing, and soon, I would be doing everything in my power to fix his problem or bend myself around his needs instead of focusing on my own serenity.
After my divorce, I would still react to other people’s problems: shift my schedule to fit their schedule or, work to figure out a solution to their pain, or start taking over a difficult situation when really it was their place to step up and do something about it.
It is fine to be compassionate to another human’s needs… to be available as a sounding board if necessary but… when someone is simply irked about something, or hasn’t planned properly for an expected event, or gets into the habit of being complacent and allowing others to “step in and save them,” then it is not my place to become worked up and try to right their mess.
I must learn to step back and allow people to figure out their own problems, suffer the consequences of their own actions.
If I constantly step up and take on the burdens of their life, I am interfering in an important process of their spiritual growth: The chance to learn from past mistakes so that they are not repeated in the present.
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“Dear God, help me to step back and allow others the opportunity to experience life on life’s terms. It is not my place to “play God.” It is my place to share my compassion, strength, experience and hope as they walk their own spiritual path.”
Daily Divorce Meditations 
Wow – this is completely on target. I always try to give other people back their “stuff.” Because for so long I would stuff my feelings and feel responsible for other people’s moods. Thanks for a great post. On a side note, are you planning to publish these daily posts as a book? It would be a great one!
Thank you Judy… I do plan to publish these meditations as a book when the year comes to a close on this blog in August 2013… I am still amazed how often I allow someone’s mood… or problem… to throw me off my day! 🙂
I’m behind the times … 🙂
Did you publish your posts ?
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I’m sure I completed a masters in trying to fix my ex’s hypochondria , inability to hold on to funds, depression, substance abuse …blah blah blah
His happiness and well being were my responsibility (and my joy, somehow)
How the hell did I get THERE?!:)
Oh if I had the job of solving his problems now.. I’d be playing a broken record to myself. He’s right back where he was, but more so.
I am so sad for him but predicted it and he’s actually ahead of schedule .
A year ago my chatter said …
You didn’t do anything wrong … He probably will want to “come home ” In the long run.
Come home ? P are you nuts?
The caring we can give is true , but not trying to fix it…
Wow – forgot I wrote that ! 🙂
It’s going to hold true and I’m going to add that I “mothered ” the situation the last few years before the divorce … Trying to appease him when traveling at the holidays ( my Mother came to dislike him actively ) and keep the peace amongst us all . A lesson learned .
I don’t even want to imagine his issues now. He dropped out of site even to some close mutual friends.
We’ve all moved on it seems.
My mom said to me about my ex “If he’s happier somewhere else then let him go there.” 😀
I always loved that…. believe me…. his got a hard road in front of him! D.
I hear you ! 🙂
It has taken a lot of time to see the “real ” picture . Both of our exes made some decisions that will be tough on them .
And we have new opportunities despite the pain of the marriage ending .
Cheers to living on 🙂