When I was married, I often asked my husband to help out but when he did… I would sometimes criticize his work and end up completing the task on my own.
I see now that this was damaging to our relationship for several reasons:
I let my husband know that I did not value his contribution.
I made him believe that he was incapable of doing any task as well as I could.
And… I set myself up to never ask for or receive help because no one could live up to my standard of work.
My perfectionism was not only hurting the person I loved, it was also helping to keep me overwhelmed, weary, worn, because I refused to share the burden of my load with others who were willing and wanting to help.
Today I know that my perfectionism is a character asset and a flaw.
My perfectionism ensures that I will give a job my “all” my best work.
But… my perfectionism also gets in the way of my own spiritual growth and it keeps those around me from feeling needed and valued.
It is in my best interest, to let go and let others participate in my life.
I must accept help and I must accept that they are completing the task as best they can and praise them for their work.
“Dear God, help me to let others in. Help me to step aside and allow others to share my heavy load.”
This sounds familiar – but let me pose it to you differently. You are taking this onto yourself. What I have found is that my family prefers for me to do everything. When I’ve asked them to do things, they hardly put in the effort to make it worth it. They know if they don’t do a great job – then I won’t ask them again. So often, I’ve found it easier to do things myself for this reason. So I do wonder if you really had perfectionism, or just the feeling that you cared more about things getting done. No one wants another person to help them with disinterest. I suspect that’s more of the case than them doing “the best they can.” We’re good at taking the blame, aren’t we?
Oh Judy… I wish that were the truth in my case but unfortunately… I am a true perfectionist… I’ve been struggling with this at school… working to let the high school kids help me. I have to remember that they are learning and that I already “know.” My family really does try to help me and I don’t want to put anyone out and I just always figure it is easier to just do it myself and be done with it… this is one of my character flaws that I really struggle with… I notice my mom does it with me! LOL I will say, “Let me load the dishwasher for you” and even though I’m 48 she will say, “No, no…. you don’t load it right. I’ll do it!” 🙂
Okay, this is easy to get because I am also pretty much a perfectionist. But sometimes I realize that is why I excel at things because I never give up trying to do better. But you’re right – it does put an awful lot upon our shoulders! You are not 48 – my god, your pics had me thinking you were 30! 🙂
You are so funny! Yes… there were definitely times in the past where I believed others were purposely doing a poor job just so I would handle it but now…. it is me having to lay down the reins!!!! 🙂 30? God bless you for that! LOL
UGH! Unfortunately, this is a reflection of me. Hopefully I don’t allow this to happen again.
I know how you feel…. I continually struggle with it…. and then let it go… only to pick it back up again… it takes time for me to relinquish control but so worth it. 🙂
I can relate to all the comments! I’ve relaxed a bit on this over the years but there are times when I think I’ll do it better myself. 🙂 And you’re right — when that happens I have to be very conscious of not having the other person/people think it’s a critique on how they do things. It’s a mix of perfectionism and compulsive behavior for me at times too!
It takes practice for sure! I’m always picking it back up and refusing to relinquish! 🙂 D.