When I was in the midst of my divorce and consumed by despair, those closest to me tried to tell me repeatedly that when time moved me through my pain, I would be so much stronger, so much happier on the other side.
At the time, I was unable to believe them, unable to see. So tied to my own vision of happiness, my own dream of what I wanted to be with my husband, that I was unable to logically examine any other possibilities. And, so worn by my grief… I didn’t want to. I wanted only what I wanted: my life with my husband.
But they were right, as time moved me forward, as I began my journey of self-awareness and spiritual growth, I began to have faith again in a master plan and that maybe my Higher Power had something much better in store for me, if I would just let go and accept that I was about to face a new beginning.
I could have never imagined then what my life would be like today.
Blessed with so many gifts, a life full of joy and abundance, and a relationship with someone I deeply love and who truly cherishes who I am… as I am… and what I bring to his life.
I thank God now for my spiritual journey.
I thank God for the hardships I endured.
Both the journey and the hardships renewed my faith by making me let go of my vision of life and opening my eyes to a far greater outcome: one where I am loved for my true self… for being exactly who I am: flaws and all.
What greater gift is there then to find someone who accepts me just as I am and chooses to love me and walk by my side on life’s journey? A partner who is a compliment to me… an anchor when my world is rocked by hardships… my solace and my friend.
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“Dear God, thank you for getting me out of my own way. Thank you for guiding me on my spiritual journey even when I believed myself to be lost and alone.”
Daily Divorce Meditations 
Sometimes I can’t believe how these posts mirror what I need to be working on, and what is happening in my life, at this very moment. I had to communicate with my ex this week, he moved with girlfriend down the coast, and he somehow felt the need to email me about things that were not terribly urgent. To their (“our”) friends he makes it sound wonderful. But I know there are problems and I am not the one to help, and I can’t be his “friend”.
I feel I’ve truly let go of ever wanting to be with him, but I still resent any thought that his life may be “better” than mine. It really irks me!
My friends and family say — “you’re doing great, but… remember… you don’t have to speculate or compare your lives in your head all the time. The gift here is that time is healing you, he is not in your life anymore, and you’re just beginning to see what’s out there for you.”
Most of the time, I really do feel, after only 9 months of separation and 6 months since the divorce was final, that I have moved on. But those triggers of contact, news, etc. set obsessive, inaccurate thoughts in motion at times.
Time to move forward in meeting more, new people, starting up a new business is feeling good, but much more fulfilling things to come, I’m sure, if I open up and accept that.
Thank you for “waking” me further today!
Oh Patricia… man do I remember those feelings…. and as I said the other day to someone else on the site… that I recently saw someone I used to date on FB with another woman… a man I don’t have any plans of being with… someone who I ended it with amicably… and I TOTALLY felt myself react for a moment… I was ALL worked up… and I let myself have the feeling… “unfollowed” him from my feed (still friends.. just not following) because I obviously still have some work to do on MY behavior! 🙂 I was so worried that my ex’s life was going to be SO much better than mine… but Patricia… what I have found over and over again watching numerous relationships that have ended as ours did… is that the person who leaves… ends up right back at square one with the new person! They don’t work through their issues… they don’t change their ways…. they look for the “quick fix” and unfortunately… “NEW WEARS OFF!” You have to know that he left because he wanted “new.” He thought new would fix everything… he was in love with the way it made him feel… he was caught up in the limerance of the moment…. but now the “fantasy” has become the “reality” and you are right… the honeymoon phase is over… it happens in EVERY relationship… and unless he plans to do some serious work on himself… spiritual work… he is going to get back to the same place with this woman… and most likely do the same thing to her…
Limit contact as much as you can… don’t be afraid to end conversations. You can’t be his “friend” and he does NOT deserve your attention… remember… I’m here for you…. 🙂 D.
I hope and pray that some day I can speak these words myself.
You will. I PROMISE. I never thought I could get to the place I am in today…. I was so very sad…. time will move you through….it really will. I’m here. 🙂 D.
D you are so right!
From what I can tell he has not dealt with what brought us to this point, and the current situation is not the solution for his happiness now or in the long term.
And I hope it won’t come to my having to say I really don’t want to talk about anything.
Frankly, all “business” has been handled.
I can’t tell you how much your support helps. 🙂
YOU ARE DOING GREAT! 🙂
D … Somehow got my email in incorrectly but you’ll see my comment… Says it’s pending moderation. Sorry 🙂
Anyway – I appreciate all you said and I’m working through this!
Thanks!! ☺️
Well D… Boy oh boy do I remember this dialogue last year .
There’s no spiritual footwork going on… On his side of the fence.
I would have been in the abyss if we hadn’t split up.
I believe at the core he can’t change . He just wants what he wants … Makes it looks nice to someone else for a time.
You can’t build something if you don’t contribute.
I had a terrible nightmare last night that he contacted me … Accepted his mistakes , wanted to make amends – ” remember how lightning struck when we met”.
I doubt this is Freudian for my wanting this 🙂
I think it’s chatter about – well I can fix this . Oy !!!
You seem so much more uplifted now than a year ago, Patricia 🙂
Me too.
ELIZABETH! 🙂 Great to know you are uplifted too… time moves you both forward! 🙂 D.
Yes, time (and lots of soul-searching) works wonders. Thanks.
Dreams about your ex in the beginning…. VERY common… just your mind working through things…. You are right…. it’s going to stay the same with him in EVERY relationship until he stops looking at the short term and puts in the footwork… AND that may never happen… I’m glad you are moving forward with your life and not wasting it on a “maybe” 🙂
Thank you, Elizabeth !
Glad you’re well – best to you 🙂
Time and Soul Searching… that is exactly right, Elizabeth… I’m so glad… 🙂 D.