Last night I was thrown off by an unforeseen event.
Someone dear to me had an opinion regarding my actions, my behavior, that I felt was unwarranted.
I was very upset about the incident.
I thought about it my entire drive home and most of the morning.
I didn’t like that my friend’s opinion of me on this occasion was negative and I began to have feelings about it.
I truly felt that I had done nothing wrong… that I had acted this way in my friend’s presence on numerous occasions before… yet tonight, for whatever reason… they were uncomfortable with my behavior.
I of course wanted to discuss it with them, find a way to mend our quarrel but, I knew that I would also have to look within myself and be willing to reflect on why their opinion bothered me so.
Was it because they were my dear friend, and so their opinion really meant something to me due to our intimate friendship or…
Was it because they had pushed an emotional button… triggering something deep inside of me that caused me to feel vulnerable and attacked?
I cannot allow my self-worth to be contingent on another person’s opinions no matter how close or dear they are to me but…
if that opinion reveals a need for my own spiritual footwork and growth…. then maybe I need to step back and address any of my issues that I may still be struggling with today.
_
“Dear God, help me to hold my self-esteem intact. Help me to let opinions fall away, positive or negative, and walk my own path with a positive attitude.”
Daily Divorce Meditations 
I can relate to that a lot, and I also have a tendency to dwell too much on what other people think.
Today ended up great being with “family” at my close friends’ for afternoon dinner.
But my day started badly, in tears before I went there, sad to be going alone, knowing I may have to tell a few people we’re divorced, wondering what they’ll say (to me … Or later …😮) and feeling self-conscious.
It was such a wonderful afternoon and my pain subsided when I walked in their door.
And to think I almost didn’t go.
Sometimes I still don’t understand where the low self esteem comes from and the despair as well.
It had nothing to if with missing “him”.
But as you say, moving forward and being oneself is part of the healing process and allowing yourself the opportunity.
I’m glad you went… that was a HUGE step forward and not an easy one!!!! D.
Made some progress since last year’s post – and in sure others I’ve read about and responded to here have too!
To say it just doesn’t matter would be trite. But worrying is part of the big issue going through divorce and all the chatter.
As you become yourself , again, the things you can’t control start to fall away a bit.
☺️
“I cannot allow my self-worth to be contingent on another person’s opinions…” This is something I needed to hear. Thank you!
It is so easy to fall into that trap. And of course… we always hang on to a negative opinion over a positive one! Just keep moving forward and know that I’m here for you. 🙂 D.
I couldn’t have said it better: “As you become yourself again…” Feels good huh? 🙂 D.
You bet 🙂
😀