April 21st: Pain and Change

April 21st-No Problem

Today, I was reminded how difficult it is to lose something or someone you truly love.

Sometimes, no matter how much you want something to work out: it just doesn’t.

Relationships change and change can be hard to accept.

I thought back to the time I shared with my special someone and I missed the way I felt when everything was new and exciting.

The way I was always the first person they thought to call and the last person they wanted to talk to in the evening.

How they loved the way I made them feel… loved the way I looked at them when we were together and accepted me just as I was.

I do not regret the time we had together… I do not regret my love for this someone… I just regret that I am no longer the first thought of their day or the woman that will be in their day-to-day life.

I know that “this too shall pass” the good and the bad of life always does, but change is often painful.

There will be hard days when recovering from a loss but…

I must accept the reality of the situation, embrace my feelings, and have faith that my Higher Power will move me through to a better place.


“Dear God, help me to be strong. Help me to have faith in your plan. Help me to let go with love.”

7 thoughts on “April 21st: Pain and Change

  1. I made it out to get groceries today. What a bumpy ride. I would see some food or part of a meal we used to share together, I would think “we will never do that again”. The pain would sear through my heart and leave me afraid to continue to walk down the grocery isle. I would regain, walk a little further, and it would happen again, the realization that there will be someone else that takes my place…someone else he loves with all his heart…someone else he wants to wake up with and end his day with…and that will never be me. It crushes my heart and I just cannot see how that will ever get better. How I will ever move on…without being all of that with him. I can’t see how I will stop loving him, how I will stop wanting him to be that one I wake up with, the one I wait for to come home, the one I fall asleep beside…knowing I am safe. I just feel so afraid and alone that each day will continue to be this filled with this consuming and overpowering grief…yet dead from love.

    • It has been many years since my divorce Tanya and though I am happy in my day-to-day life I still, at times, miss what once was… but I no longer think of him with another and find myself longing to be in that position. I am very happy with the person I am with now… but still… the feelings of what we had together are like a residue… a shadow….. that sometimes still stirs my emotions, as you can see in today’s post. Try to break your chain of thought and know as time goes on… you WILL get through this… you will feel better and the days where you are sad and consumed with grief will become few and far between. I’m here for you. D.

  2. Some days I feel like– pain, change, letting go, staying in the present — is going to be my lifelong mantra!
    I was feeling this yesterday when I described feeling so low before I was ready to walk out the door and see friends we’ve known for years. And doing that not only by myself, but knowing I’m “moving on.”
    Terrifying but turned out great.
    My situation was not repairable, where I wanted to salvage our marriage, but the memories (or the reverie that comes at any unpredictable time, on any day) are charged with the love that was truly there some years back.
    I feel the pain of longing for that feeling again. There is part of me that knows that person still thinks of those moments too… but they are gone, “ghosts” now.

  3. D, I have those “shadow” feelings /thoughts at times.
    But as time passes , I’m starting to filter out why this happened and its alright , and also good memories.
    That great feeling is a gift , nor in the past . But I can bring it forward without grief now. But it takes so much time , time …

  4. D, I have those “shadow” feelings /thoughts at times.
    But as time passes , I’m starting to filter out why this happened and that’s alright , and also good memories I can accept as well.
    Those feelings are gift , & not just relegated to the past . I can bring them forward without grief now. But it takes so much time , time …

  5. Just recently some “shadow” feelings popped up for me and I was quiet surprised… I tried to let them just roll around a bit… acknowledged them… then I made myself active in a chore and let it go. Patricia… I’ve been apart from my ex now since 2001… it does take time… but you just keep moving through… 🙂 Tanya… if you are reading this… I hope you are doing well. D.

  6. Hi D – I mentioned this last week but I was off the grid here a bit too.
    Memories are difficult . I’ve had friends tell me ” he’ll never look at someone or speak or speak of someone , the way he did regarding you.” Not much solace but you have to take away some feelings that yes, we’re lucky that love was there .
    Anyway … Here’s what I’d said.
    Never thought I’d talk to him 🙂
    Hi D
    Yes , reviewing our comments , and your experience and intuition .:)
    He’s still there … Supposedly happy , and ” stuck” , absolutely. No nirvana
    I actually spoke to him after almost 3 years , recently .
    One of our closest friends passed.
    I felt it was the best thing to at least acknowledge , and ask if he was alright.
    Then he told a friend … I miss her voice – so good to hear it .
    Right …

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