When my husband and I were first divorced, I was absolutely sure that he was entirely at fault.
Our relationship, though full of love, had been a long and difficult one and I was positive, that I had had to put up with more from him over the years than he had from me.
But as I began to move through the pain of our divorce and look at my own part in our marriage, I became aware that there were things I could have done differently.
At first, as I came to this realization… I couldn’t help but beat myself up thinking, If I would have done this or if I just wouldn’t have done that… things would have worked out and everything would be fine. We would still be together.
But that is not an honest truth.
For our marriage to have worked out, we both would have had to change our behaviors radically and there was still no guarantee that we would have been successful in the end:
Marriage is difficult even in the best of situations.
After I grieved about my mistakes, and allowed myself to wallow a bit in self-pity, I got to the real work: looking at what I had done, my part in things, admitting that I wasn’t a saint in my marriage, and becoming aware of my own character flaws so that I could work towards becoming a better person in my present and future relationships.
Last night, I was asking someone for something I wanted in our relationship and worried that I was sounding like a “harpie” or making the situation worse. I said, “I don’t want to badger you about this…”
And their reply?
“You are not badgering. You are making me aware of your needs and if I am aware, I can work towards meeting them.”
I was thankful for their willingness to listen, to change, to move forward in our relationship together… both of us working towards meeting each other’s requests and I was reminded once again that being made aware can lead to more spiritual footwork but… will eventually lead to a stronger spiritual foundation if I have the courage to face my character flaws and work towards letting them go.
“Dear God, help me to be willing to change. Help me to listen to requests from those I love with an open heart.”