I often become attached to my idea of a relationship and… sure that I absolutely know what’s best… push forward with all of my will.
One of my best friends recently said to me that this is one of my best and worst qualities: that when I love someone… I give my entire heart freely and bravely.
But I am learning that sometimes… it is best to give passion a bit of a space… to see if it is the intensity that is driving my feelings.
It is easy to fall in love: the feeling of newness… like a drug… is addictive and seducing.
But I have to look past that at the person that I am with and decide: Is this the best partner for me?
Slowing things down, giving the relationship space, allows me to do just that.
If I stay in the relationship just to “experience” a feeling of euphoria brought on by the newness of it all… then I’m not being true to myself.
I must use space to let the intensity cool and decided if within the confines of a particular relationship if it is a complimentary bond for both myself and my new partner.
If not, I must be honest, and let it go.
“Dear God, help me to be humble and truthful in all of my relationships. Help me do what is best for all involved.”
Far down the road…when my heart has healed…I want to remember these words. Remember how swept away I become when I fall in love….how sugar coated optimism flows from my pores…how I believe that what I am seeing and experiencing in that moment will always “BE” and will always be able to overcome ANYTHING with grace and ease. This loss of the man I believed was the one I would spend the rest of my life with, the one I sill yearn to “hold on to” has broken that sugar-coated crust of both my soul, but also my naïve optimism that “love can conquer all” . I see that as much as I believed “we” could overcome anything “together” in the euphoric moment I said “yes”… I didn’t realize how the blending of 5 children would impact that place where I blindly and “without thought” believed anything was possible. Your words of stepping back and listening…giving space to the passion…are exactly what I have never done. And if I ever travel that road again, it will be with thought, with purpose, with reflection and with space that I let the passion not consume me, but be part of the whole balance that I want to become.
Beautifully written as always…. you will find someone that you want to spend time with again…. and you will feel the excitement and the joy of the “newness” but you will also be aware of your own needs, and the needs of your children… once you get through the pain of your divorce… you will know what you long for in a true and solid committed relationship. I promise and I’m here for you. 🙂 D.
This post reminded of “how hard I fell” for someone, and to be more cautious going forward. It became a tough tough road fairly quickly when I look back now. And it wasn’t the right partnership, at least for me, despite working so hard at it.
Someday when I feel ready… I hope I’ll find that wonderful feeling again, but along with slowing down and making better decisions.
It is so easy to be swept away by feeling and of course… a great “high” is hard to slow down… after my divorce… I often rushed for the high then after some painful experiences… I found it easier to slow down and make better decisions.
I seem to be the opposite of this…I hold back so much so that I miss some of the euphoria…I over think the situation and find the flaws and stop it before it ever has a chance to begin. For fear of being hurt, or fear of repeating past mistakes of moving forward for fear rather than true love and commitment. Cold feet I guess. But I do want to feel euphoria at some point again…for all the RIGHT reasons of course. 🙂
One of my dear friends is more like you…. when he thinks it is going to get really exciting and over the top with feelings he bolts! When I asked him about it he said the same thing…. fear of getting close… fear of getting hurt again… fear of making mistakes…. fear of it all going wrong. Painful experiences make it very hard to jump right into a situation again that may repeat what we already suffered in the past. I found after my divorce, that at first… that happened to me quite a bit because I was drawn to men like my husband and then acted out when I was with them… it took me a bit to have an “aha!” moment and start being a bit more cautious about who I chose to try and walk forward with… I do love that feeling of all-out joy… the limerance of falling for someone… the euphoria of being desired and adored… but unfortunately… it often gets in the way of reality! 🙂 D.