Most people in my life are amazed that I am afraid of anything… I tend to come off so sure of myself and strong.
But like everyone… I do have fears… some real… some perceived… and though I am often brave, their are times where I allow my fear to get the better of me.
Lately, I have been full of fear: fear of rejection, fear of being out of control, fear of sharing my thoughts and feelings, and this fear has been driving my actions.
I do not like being dominated by my “shadow self” by my self-doubt and insecurities.
It leaves me in a state of apprehension and worry and soon… my focus on what is important in life: the people I love, my work, my creativity… all take a back seat to my fears.
When I find myself in this place… I must remind myself that I am reacting to “false evidence appearing real.”
This fear is my own creation based on:
Memories of my past hurts driving my emotions in my present relationships.
Fear of my own actions or reactions that I am projecting onto other people.
Fear that I will fail… that I will be perceived as weak for letting someone know that I need help.
It is hard to stand back from the emotion of fear when it overwhelms but to walk through it I must do just that: observe it… acknowledge it… and admit to myself that this is my ego struggling with the unfamiliar and clinging to what I know and trust even if what I know and trust… is dysfunctional.
I must be brave when faced with “false evidence appearing real” and pray for guidance as I move through it and towards a higher spiritual path.
“Dear God, help me let go of false fear and focus on the truth. Help me to willingly and bravely acknowledge my apprehension and worry as I work towards letting it go.”
Most of my friends and family will say – ” she’s been strong through so much , and has little fear.
Don’t quite know how she does it.”
My insides are torn each day as I learn to be on my own, to start a business, to have to hear about or from my ex and letting it “roll off of me”.
One person who knows me very well said to me recently:
“Look in the mirror, see all those things we see in you and also how wonderful you appear… Allow you to like you again …so you can continue to move on. Don’t be afraid of being yourself.”
With each day being new, I think I fear the unknown as much as anything ! 😗
I’ll take fear of the unknown any day 🙂
Talk about chatter that can confound a person … It can create that definition of fear – and to this point , each and every fear “point” from the divorce is unreal.
The fear I face is those moments the I create and project outcomes that just aren’t going to happen .
Living in the moment! 🙂