Today, someone I love dearly was lamenting a temporary “break” in a friendship.
They continued to find a way to keep coming back to the topic repeatedly; at the distress of everyone else in the conversation.
Everyone was very loving and patient… willing to help soothe our friend during their crisis but…
We had given our input numerous times.
We had acknowledged her grief, her concern.
We had offered up our own experiences, our strength and hope, but to no avail: she just wanted to repeat the same conversation over and over again… unwilling to hear us… unwilling to move from where she was stuck.
Finally, I said, “I know how you feel. I have felt your despair… I understand what you are going through… but you are spinning a broken record… allowing your mind to dwell where it will only continue to cause you pain. And… you are unable to move on because your focus is not where it should be: on you. I hate to see you waste so much energy on this… you are so dear to me.
Everyone was quiet for a moment before my friend said, “Yes but if I just had the chance to do it over again… if he just…”
At first, we thought she was going to “spin the record” again… still unable to move from her position but then, she stopped herself from continuing, she smiled and said, “I’ll try.”
Unfortunately, in life, we don’t get to magically go back in time and “do something different.”
I was reminded, once again, during this conversation, that we only have today.
We must start from where we are right now, and do things differently from here… and it begins with acceptance.
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“Dear God, help me to accept life as it is today. Help me to embrace change and find spiritual growth in the process.”
Daily Divorce Meditations 
I can catch myself doing this, but it is subsiding a finally . Always trying to “what if” and analyze – even to the extent of when I , rather than he , should have moved forward to end the marriage.
I’ve found that if I just have to ” say it one more time” 😳 I have one confidant who takes that call to hear it.
But the critiques I’ve gotten hit right on what you said- what about taking care of me? What about building my life and exploring what I really want now ?
What a concept !😊
Whilst i agree with you, there is also the need to go over and over and over initially. It is part of the grieving process. Eventually one comes to acceptance but only after sadness and anger and guilt have had their turn.
Yes…. you are right…. 🙂
Now I have another year of perspective … And you are both so right !
I finally wound all that chatter down.
And I was grieving .
And I don’t think about all those past details much at all.
Thank you
yea, there’s hope that the craziness will subside.
Let’s hope, Robert! 🙂 D.