May 31st: Repeating the Same Pattern and Expecting Different Results

May 31st

Lately I have been catching myself repeating old patterns of behavior.

I have been allowing someone very dear to me to break promises, break boundaries, and let me down over-and-over again.

At first, I was very understanding.

I know my friend has a hectic life and that…

Everyone gets busy

Everyone can end up overwhelmed and unable to keep commitments.

But, as time continued on, and promises of change were made, but the behavior continued to be repeated,  I was suddenly reminded that my friend was not the problem in this situation… I was the problem.

Why?

Because I was choosing to accept behavior that was unacceptable to me.

I was allowing myself to be hurt… to become resentful… again-and-again.

I can’t keep doing the same thing and expect the outcome to magically change.

I have to change my behavior and the outcome will change accordingly.

I must be willing to address the issue, even if confronting someone I love, can be very uncomfortable to do but…

If the friendship is valued… I believe it will weather the storm and if not… my Higher Power is trying to tell me that it is time to move on with my life and find people who do value my friendship and who are willing to work on creating a relationship that is acceptable to each of us.

“Dear God, help me to set clear boundaries. Help me to stand up for myself when needed.”

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7 thoughts on “May 31st: Repeating the Same Pattern and Expecting Different Results

  1. Sometimes the hardest things in life are trying to separate yourself or distance yourself from someone who is a GOOD person deep down… but are toxic to others around you.

    Don’t allow yourself to be brought down by somebody who may be “toxic” to you, just because they are a nice/friendly person. At the end of the day, it’s not worth it 🙂

    -Daniel

    • Thank you Daniel… you are so right… and often… I find that it’s just… when I am friends with someone who may still be in dysfunction or addiction…. close friends… that is when I become triggered and start into old behaviors. It always amazes me after so many years of spiritual footwork, so many lessons learned from my divorce, how easily it is to fall back into patterns. But… the good thing about it? How quickly I am able to catch it today. Best to offer someone love and support from a distance and create balance again in my life so that our relationship doesn’t end as toxic. 🙂

      • Yes, you hit the nail on the head with that one. It’s WAAAAAAAY better to love a toxic person from a distance.

        I have a person like that in my life right now. Good person/friend, but it seems like he’s always in need of money.

        I don’t mind helping people out a few times, but I’m not going to be a meal ticket either, lol, especially since I have a wife and child I already need to support.

    • Daniel,
      Thank you so much for sharing wisdom. I dearly love someone who I believe has a core of Gold but who is very toxic for me right now. The more forgiving, caretaking and sacrificing I do, the less and less I value myself. I know in my head that I need to let go and let God, and I think that truth is finally moving into my heart. I needed this today!

      • You’re welcome and I believe Shelly, you’re probably like me. You don’t want to seem like a “mean person” by disconnecting with that gold core person.

        The thing that I’m starting to see is we owe it ourselves to start cutting negative influences out of our lives OR loving them from a distance, like the author of this post just commented. Be blessed 🙂

  2. OH. MY. GOSH! This is EXACTLY what I’ve been going through and what has been troubling me. I finally made the horribly difficult decision to sever the relationship several weeks ago. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had been grieving the loss of the friendship for over a year having recognized it subconsciously. Once it became conscious and I made a positive decision, I felt better but I still grieve the loss. I probably always will. I loved this person. I still do.

    • I hope all of you are well…. and that year has gone by and you have found peace in your relationships. Melinda, for me… there was so much emotion attached to this person I had to move away from them… I am sad at the loss of a friendship but so happy in my peace!

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