June 1st: Letting People In

June 1st After my divorce, I was afraid to let anyone new into my life. I was fearful of the pain that might come from loving someone again or, even wanting to love someone again, and ultimately… maybe losing someone again. Almost a year passed by as I worked on my own spiritual growth and put dating to the side until I felt strong enough to deal with my emotions. My first attempts at opening myself up to someone new was difficult to take: I felt vulnerable, I felt uneasy, and more than anything, I still felt that I was not entirely over my husband and not truly being fair by starting something up with someone who was ready for a new relationship… who was interested in dating me. But as time went on, and my emotional and physical well-being continued to improve, and I became more sure as I set boundaries that were not too loose and not too rigid, I found that it was lovely to have new experiences with people who were genuinely interested in me as a person. It was nice to feel desired once again… attractive…. intelligent… beautiful. And through these friendships, I began to heal. It wasn’t always easy, there were times when I opened myself up to the wrong person, found someone similar to my former partner and tried to recreate old patterns of behavior that even though chaotic, felt familiar. But each time I “slipped” my recovery time became shorter. I would catch myself, realize my mistake and quickly work towards righting my balance. It was not easy to open my heart again after such a great loss, but today, I know… that life is about taking the risk… about letting others in. I have found so many wonderful new friends and loved ones by being brave… by moving forward… by taking that risk. – “Dear God, help me to be brave. Help me to open my heart and let others in.”

12 thoughts on “June 1st: Letting People In

  1. I’m coming up on a year that I moved out and our house was sold. I haven’t even thought about dating and don’t know when that will feel right. Part of me is very afraid to trust, part of me is afraid that if asked about “who I am” that I may slip and run the tape of unworthiness, divorced, etc. , and part of me is so ready to meet new people and discover that I can make connections with new people, new ideas, new relationships. Scary…

    • Yes… take your time… based on my knowledge of you…. I’d wait a bit longer… I didn’t date the entire first year after my separation and divorce…. I just worked on gaining my footing… speaking to people who had shared similar experiences and had made it through… and taking care of myself… exercising… eating well… working on my Master’s. When I did start to date… it was very hard for me not to react out of fear… or take things said “the wrong way”… 🙂 D.

  2. Thank you, D.
    I have much to be thankful for – family, and business partner that I’m venturing out with, to build a company.
    I do need to meet new people, but it’s been hard to go out there.
    The new business / career goal should get me out there, step by step…. Hopeful ! 🙂

    • I was told to build the life I wanted and people that were on the same path would find me! And that was EXACTLY what happened. 🙂 D.

  3. It is! 🙂 As soon as I started to work on my genuine life path… he just popped up. My teenage children had been trying to get me to notice him in my first couple of years of “divorce” and I wouldn’t even consider it. He wasn’t my “type” I thought. I never stopped to think at that time that “my type” had been emotionally abusive, dysfunctional, alcoholic addicts and maybe I should try another type. Thank God I did. 🙂 but more importantly… thank God I had enough time on my own before I met him to recover from my divorce, figure out what I wanted in my life, and learned I was absolutely okay on my own… after all that… I was open and ready for a kind partner. 🙂 D.

  4. I’m looking at this post a year later too… 🙂 I know I’m still in the mode of “not my type” and not really “seeing” people at times — I’m sure my head will clear more on that as self-esteem and trusting others continues to improve. I’m just under two years since we moved apart, it’s gone so quickly, and I suspect this is all going to take awhile yet.

    • Yes it does take awhile and be prepared the “dating” portion is ummmmmm interesting to say the least! 🙂 But I’m here… and you can tell me ALL about it! 😀

  5. Now we’re coming up on three years since I moved out , and in October, it will be 3 years the divorce finalized .
    I’m not sure if this is strange . But , I have only faint memories of my ex at this point .
    I can validate now that my separation dispair and grief were real , but the rest was anger and not true “loss”.
    It was upsetting to come to this realization, frankly .
    I needed to be out so many years before. But what a romance it was …
    We did not have children together so the separateness of our lives in natural .
    The business I’ve been building over the past two years is doing well and I believe will succeed long term to see friends and new colleagues build their own successes. I would be grateful to see that .
    I’ve lived virtually from a suitcase in a great property of a friend of mine during this time, and they had rented it to someone who had the room available , and all of that has been a healing experience .
    But … She is moving and for the first time since college , I will fly solo with a place of my own that fits in every way.
    The music can blare , people can come and go all the time . I can write and paint . Room in the garage for my car .
    The biz challenge is harder than I’ve engaged for years.
    But still , as in every day for the past 3 years, I can go outside each morning at dawn before the crazy day starts, and watch the sun come up over the coast canyon .
    Scary but good .
    I’m still not “there” with a commitment to have a relationship .
    I actually see my freedom now – haven’t even defined next stage of my life yet to know who may be there ! 🙂

    • Patricia, I read this and couldn’t help but smile. I knew you would get there and I love seeing you on the other side! This is just so great. I can’t wait to hear about the new place, the continued business venture, and soon… DATING! 🙂 D.

      • Thank you , Dee Dee 🙂
        You’re an inspiration !
        It’s funny … The place will feel new in about 2 months , after the transition –
        I don’t know what lies ahead on the dating front. Perhaps I’m more ” visible ” now.

  6. Just live your authentic life and someone will appear! That’s what happened to me 🙂 Then I had to learn how to deal with a nice, normal person. :))))) D.

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