After spending almost twenty years in a marriage that was highly chaotic and turbulent, it became hard to decipher what was truly a crisis and what was merely an inconvenience.
My husband and I became masters of drama.
Every event was an opportunity to play out inappropriate behavior between our “shadow selves.”
It was our dance, one we had crafted over the years, and dysfunctional as it may have been, it was our way of communicating, creating passion, chaos, and receiving attention from each other, even if negative, when we felt neglected.
When I began to learn new patterns of behavior and try them out in first my marriage, then throughout my divorce, and soon… new relationships, I realized that it was very easy for me to bring the drama up about everything… due to the fact… that I had been doing so most of my adult life.
It was a struggle to learn that though everything may ‘feel’ like a crisis… it doesn’t mean it is a crisis.
My favorite saying became: How important is it?
If I am truly staying in the moment… staying in the day…. I find that most of the problems that I get overly worked up about are truly insignificant.
It is so much easier to ask myself “How important is it?” before jumping into a dramatic reaction.
It saves my peace and serenity… it keeps me confident in my ability to exercise some self-control in a trying situation and it reminds me that “this too shall pass.”
“Dear God, help me to stay calm when I feel irrational. Help me to be a source of confidence and serenity when situations seem unmanageable.”