I grew up in a household that was full of passion.

Intensity was a constant in our home and so… we learned early on to “bring it up a notch” instead of “bringing it down” when arguments escalated.

We were kings and queens of ultimatums and shouted them out with abandon during the heat of the moment:

Don’t come home.

Don’t come back.

Don’t think I will ever forget this.

Don’t… don’t… don’t.

And then of course, when tears had been shed, tempers had cooled… everything went back to normal as if it had never happened at all.

As if those words had never been said.

Today, I know that all or nothing mentality does not work in a relationship.

I cannot address someone I say I truly care about with, “This is just how it is supposed to be and you will have to deal with it.”

Nor can I walk around throwing out ultimatums when I don’t get my way.

That is not adult, loving, or kind and it means that I choose to lead in the relationship by using control instead of sharing in the relationship and using communication.

A relationship is defined as: a state of being connected.

How am I supposed to remain connected to another human being if I choose to behave this way?

When I find myself in all or nothing mentality, it is best that I step back and calm my emotions before I engage in a conversation with someone I love.

–

“Dear God, help me to be fair in my relationships. Help me to look at the situation from a different perspective other than my own limited view.”