Sometimes there are no words.
Sometimes, worn by emotion, exhausted from running up against the same emotional wall again-and-again, it is best to stop… hit bottom… and be silent and still.
My divorce always left me wanting to explain, discuss, analyze, to make sense of what had happened to me… the “why” of what went wrong but in the end…
when all of the words had been spoken… when every situation… every angle had been explored…. there was nothing left but for me to sit and be quiet with my feelings and accept that my marriage was over.
Today, I still push for answers, I still struggle with just letting things be… but I also know that if I seek solitude… if I allow myself to be quiet… my mind calms long enough to provide answers to questions that have been troubling me.
“Dear God, help me to be quiet and let my thoughts rest. Help me to find peace in silence and allow myself to be soothed by solitude.”
Oh… The search for mental peace! I understand , and your post is a reminder that the battle with head chatter can be wearing and exhausting. I’ve analyzed the divorce ,and the incidents and conversations over the past year. Can’t re-work the past but my mind still tries!
Patricia, I swear I do that with everything in my life! I have to really work at turning that chatter off! REALLY work at it! D.
Oh my goodness that head chatter is deafening sometimes!!! Even though I feel I am over it all and have accepted it, watching love scenes on TV, hearing “our” songs on the radio, all those triggers bring that chatter back – me trying to figure it out all over again and coming up with the same thing…..no answer that pacifies……Most times I just have to sternly tell myself, “TURN THE CHANNEL!!! THINK ABOUT SOMETHING/SOMEONE ELSE!!”
Lisa, I love that statement “turn the channel”
I have actually yelled stop out loud to myself as needed… and I wrote a post about a time when I used to wear a rubber band on my wrist and snap it when I was stuck in negative repetitive thinking about my ex… THAT was an eye opener… the amount of time I was spending stuck in that chatter. D.
Reblogged this on Missives by Michelle.
I really “get this” this year. 🙂
I was obsessed with solving the “why” . It’s not critical at this point.
It’s about acceptance and remembering what I learned as new relationships and life events come .
Yes…. the why (sigh) who will ever know EXACTLY what happened and figuring it out doesn’t take away the pain of the loss… reflecting on my part in the situation helped… and I knew why I did what I did and when I was acting honorably and when I wasn’t…. that is what I have to focus on to move on and be better in a new relationship: my part. 🙂 D.
The only person who can really answer all my questions is my ex-husband and I don’t see that happening anytime soon so I have to let the “why” and “what was really the truth?” go. I find myself wanting confirmation on certain long ago events that I feel signaled he was having an emotional affair, sexual affair, outright lying, etc….I will probably never get it so it is about acceptance and remembering what I learned about myself and about him. I already know things I want to improve in my new relationship…..I am patiently (taps foot impatiently!!) waiting on my new love so I can show him what I know for sure now. So until my new love shows up and finds me simply irresistible I will continue to live my life to the fullest and explore people, places and things I’ve always wanted to but was restricted by my marriage!!!
Lisa hahahah I love the “impatiently taps foot” 🙂 give it time… that new love will come and you will be ready. We will most likely never get the “truth” from our ex partners… and even if we did… it would be their version… the story they have been telling themselves… to accept, justify, get through… 🙂 D.
Yes… accepting and remembering what we’ve learned as new relationships and life events come… I couldn’t have said it better… I love seeing you get to the other side of this Patricia. 🙂 D.