I loved my marriage, I loved my husband, but this did not mean that I had trust in him.
Time-after-time, during my husband’s long periods of addiction, he would break promises, lie, and contradict his own words with his unhealthy behavior.
And even though this happened numerous times, I would somehow put it out of my mind and believe that the next time he would get it right… the next time my love for him would overwhelm him and he would be a better man for me.
But the truth is, we often love people that we cannot trust and may never be able to trust.
I did not know going into my relationship with my husband that there would be a separation of these two things… I found out about our mounting trust issues long after I had already committed myself and my heart to him.
Today I still find it hard to accept that I can’t always trust someone I love but, I have to see the reality of the situation.
If I cannot depend on someone I love to follow through on their promises, then I have to stop trusting blindly, and without hesitation, set boundaries, and even choose to keep my distance, knowing that the inconsistencies of their actions and words have created a scenario where I can love them… but cannot trust them… and therefore I must care for and protect myself.
“Dear God, help me to trust myself. Help me to set clear boundaries with those I love for my own sanity and balance.”