I once read a book where a character said, “I have faith… I just want proof to back it up.” and I laughed because it sounded so much like myself.
Always willing to have faith… always willing to do the spiritual footwork to grow… but still expecting some guarantee from my Higher Power or the universe that once I did these things… the outcome would be the one I wanted.
During my divorce, I did everything to save my marriage: counseling, spiritual footwork, making difficult changes, all in hopes that my husband and I would get back together but…
That was not to be.
It was very difficult for me to hear people say things like… “Maybe your Higher Power is getting you out of your own way so that he can bring something better to you” when I was in so much despair and sure that I deserved my marriage to work out “my way” since I had put in so much time to fix it.
Well… life, unlike school, does not function like that: there is no specific formula, no amount of studying that will get me that A+ I so desire on my next big life event.
True faith is doing the spiritual footwork, giving your all, hoping for the best and then accepting the outcome even when it doesn’t seem to suit your needs.
Letting go and trusting in my Higher Power is still a bit of a struggle for me in the present… control and holding on… always my first instinct… my nature.
But the experience of my divorce has shown me that the outcome I so longed for… believed was best… was not the best outcome for me.
My Higher Power did have a much better plan on my horizon and today… my life is more than I could have ever imagined.
“Dear God, help me to have faith in your plan. Help me to let go of specific outcomes and believe that what I need will be provided for in time.”