During my marriage and my divorce, I often struggled with the concept of clarity.
I would second guess every decision I made… sure that if I hesitated in an action I would appear to be a doormat and that if I rushed an jumped into action, I would be seen as irrational or later regret my decision.
I wished then… and I still wish for this today… that clarity would somehow show up in a “booming voice from the sky” or a sign that was so big it could not be denied and I would be sure in all of my choices.
Unfortunately for me, that is not how clarity works.
Clarity comes to me quietly.
In my new relationships, it usually follows a series of incidents that caused my emotions to fluctuate between highly-elated to dismal and despaired and makes me question my ability to function as a spiritually sound individual within this particular bond.
After accepting this roller coaster of emotion, I begin to hear a very small voice inside of my head question my current direction:
Is this the type of relationship you want today?
Is this the type of person you want to rely on?
Is this acceptable behavior or have you fallen back into old patterns with a new person?
If I care for the person, it can be hard to step back, let go of my emotions, and listen to the “voice” of clarity.
But when it does arrive… it is a solid sounding bell within me that holds a steady tone and assures me that the time for action is now and that my path is clear.
“Dear God, help me to listen for the quiet voice of clarity. Help me to trust that if I am patient, all will be revealed in time.”
My struggle is definitely with patience. I feel like I am constantly waiting for God to show me why I am going through all of this. Sometimes it doesn’t seem fair, appearance wise, it would seem like my BS is okay with what he did to our family. Sometimes I hear a voice saying, “he wants you to think all is good, but its not.” I still second guess my filing for divorce but I know in my heart that I made the right decision. I am a work in progress with being patient, but I know God has a divine plan for me, I just have to keep believing that!
Listen to that voice Kae… and trust in it…. of course he wants you to believe everything is great…. most of the time though… people often chase a “feeling” and when that feeling fades away in the new relationship… they are back at square one all over again… God does have a divine plan for you and you must keep believing. As I have said in so many of my posts… my life today is better than I could have ever imagined. Once I mourned the loss of my marriage and practiced my spiritual footwork, my life moved forward in leaps and bounds. I’m here for you! 🙂 D.