Because of my past experiences, distance in relationships tends to cause me to become fearful and anxious.
It always surprises me when my emotional triggers take over because I am not the type of person to get wound or worked up if I don’t talk to a particular person for a day or two and I like a lot of independent down time and prefer not to be “joined at the hip” with anyone no matter how much I enjoy their company.
But, when someone I care for goes silent… disappears without a word… suddenly changes the pattern of our routine… I react and everything in me tells me that this is about to be a “repeat” of the pain and despair I suffered at the end of my marriage and throughout my divorce.
Unfortunately, once triggered, my shadow self appears and instead of taking a step back, calmly thinking about the situation with my emotions set aside, I begin to let fear drive me and soon… the person I love is now just as I upset as I am by the entire situation.
If I am concerned about a loved one’s distance… if I feel boundaries are being crossed… then I should approach the issue, when I am calm and ready to talk without emotion ruling the conversation, and ask for what I need in my relationship, and explain why I am struggling and triggered.
However, if someone needs distance and I an unwilling to give it to them, judging them due to past events they had nothing to do with, then maybe I am not emotionally ready to begin a new relationship.
“Dear God, help me to accept other’s as they are. Help me to give the people I love what I would want for myself.”