When I think back to my marriage, and ultimately… my divorce… I am always so hard on myself in regards to the mistakes I made in the relationship.
I can be so cruel to myself… so hard on my own heart… instead of accepting that I did the best that I could at that time… I gave my all… and even though it may have been flawed… I made my decisions out of love and not out of malice.
It amazes me how I am so kind to the people I care about, so forgiving… when they falter on their path… when they have made an error in judgement but still… so demanding in regards to my own limitations.
Today, though I am quick to apologize for my mistakes, I must go one step further and learn to let go of self-shame… of the guilt of a poor decision… and embrace that I am human and therefore as fallible as anyone when it comes to navigating difficult emotions and situations.
“Dear God, help me to accept where I am at today. Help me to love myself as I work to be a more spiritually sound person.”
photo courtesy of: Kevin Whitaker
I’m hitting another set of “milestones ” over the next 4-5 days. Some pretty bad memories of finishing up moving , finally splitting up/ splitting aspart and leaving my home of over 17 years. I really couldn’t absorb what was happening then. Now at a year later I get twinges of these memories and started tha internal dialogue about – “did I really fail him and me that much ! Should I have done more to try to hold the marriage together?”
Your words were great to here during this time!
I really am where it’s best to be right now.
I did the best I could with what I had mentally and emotionally at that time.
Patricia, isn’t it amazing where you are today compared to where you are then? You are so much farther on your spiritual road! You’re getting there! 🙂 D.
this spoke directly to me this morning, wow, I did do the best I new how to do. now I forgive myself and ask god to guide my day, I’m so much better than I was a year ago. these readings have eased my days and for that I am so grateful. peace and be blessed.
Isn’t it amazing HOW hard we can be on ourselves? We never ride that hard on our friends when they are struggling! 🙂 I’m so glad I have eased some of your pain… that is what I wanted to do when I began to write these… help someone suffer a bit less…. It is such a hard path to walk and I was so heartbroken as I was going through my divorce. D.