When I was going through my divorce, I was struggling constantly with my pain and my despair.
The people I loved would listen to me as I worked my way through my feelings but often times, found it hard to do so, because they wanted me to be over my marriage… out of the pain… moving on and away from a relationship they felt was not worth my time or attention.
I understood that they did not like seeing me suffer and I understood that it was difficult for the people I loved to listen knowing that they were unable to fix it for me but still… I needed them to listen.
Today, I remember how kind my friends and family were to me during such a trying time in my life.
They showed me tolerance when emotions made it difficult to do so.
It is important for me to remember this when I am the sounding board for a friend or loved one that is struggling with a difficult issue.
Though I may want to move them through the problem quickly, because I feel that I cannot bear to watch them suffer anymore, it is not my place to do so.
I must have tolerance and accept that:
They may need more time to work through their problem…
They may need to repeat their story to me numerous times to find clarity or acceptance of the reality of their present circumstance…
They may need to know that no matter how broken or flawed they feel in that very moment… that they will not lose me… as they have lost someone else dear to them.
I must be mindful and tolerant of their needs and thankful that I am there to offer solace.
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“Dear God, help me to be tolerant when being present for those I love. Help me to remember to have patience and compassion.”
Daily Divorce Meditations 
This paragraph…”the people I loved would listen to me as I worked my way through my feelings but often times, found it hard to do so, because they wanted me to be over my marriage… out of the pain… moving on and away from a relationship they felt was not worth my time or attention” really spoke to me and I can relate so, so much to that feeling. At the time of my divorce, I was so consumed with what I was experiencing, I never really thought about how it was affecting the people who loved me. Now I can look back and be even more thankful for the support I had from my friends and family because I can also see how much they hurt for me.
I remember my dear friend and mentor, who is about twenty years older than me, saying, “Do you know how it makes us feel… when we choose to be in your life… love you…. share our time with you… and you are still pining over him? It makes us feel like our love isn’t worth his love.” What an eye opening moment that was for me.
I realized how much I was missing by keeping my focus on him and not on all of the people who loved me and wanted to be with me. Yes… of course mourning the loss is important but it is also important to acknowledge those who walk through it with us. 🙂 D.
Wow- that is so powerful! I had to read it like three times 😉 I love when people say things that resonate with you like that. You sound like you have a lot of love and support in your life 🙂
I hope you are doing well. I saw your note from a year ago today and just thought I would drop you a line and see how things are going in your world. D.
I am doing well- thank you!!! Things are very different from a year ago, but such is life and most of those changes are good. How are you? 🙂
That makes me happy to hear…. 🙂 I’m well… happy and healthy…. I’m glad time is moving you through! I hope your family and friends are still a great comfort and support to you… and that more good changes are coming your way! 🙂 D.
Hold that one with you just like I hold it with me. We can share it! 🙂
Rings true everyday , D. And my friends and family have sounded much as you’ve described. As I look at the past year I can recall times where I would think of him or someone would mention him and it was like a button got pushed and the feelings and sorrow would play.
It feels good to know it not only happens very rarely now , but that I can now be an even better friend and listener.
Tolerance … I’ve appreciate it so much and trying to give back.
I learned a lot about tolerance from my divorce. I always thought I was a pretty empathetic listener and being a teacher…. having a high degree of tolerance… but after my divorce, something in me shifted… and I began to look at the world not just from “my view.” I also realized that not everyone has the same amount of strength or fortitude in a given situation and not to be hard on others when I thought they should be “done grieving.” I’ve said numerous times I wouldn’t wish a divorce on anyone but it ended up being a blessing to me and my life and my perspective regarding others. 🙂 D.
I couldn’t agree more.
The main revelation the last few weeks is that I have so many friends I care about, and how on earth was I was so hidden away for so long … Yet they are here , now I am too… Again…
and I am so grateful.
It took almost a year to even begin to see all of this.
But fortunately nothing lost , and so much to gain and look forward to.
Oh Patricia, that makes me SO HAPPY to hear! To see you turning the corner… 🙂 D.
Thank you! 🙂
the prayer for today is lovely, amen.
Thank you, Robert. I hope you are having a good day today as well! 🙂 D.