Recently I was involved in a friendship that left me unsettled and resentful.
I felt that I had given my all to this person and that they hadn’t appreciated it.
I began to act out each time I spoke with them until finally, I stepped away from the relationship to gather some perspective.
But privately, I allowed my thoughts to continue to run rampant as I blamed them for everything that had gone wrong.
I couldn’t understand why when I had tried so hard to show how much I valued them in my daily life, how much I loved them, how understanding I was to their situation, that they still chose to act unacceptable within the boundaries of our relationship.
I was hurt and I was angry.
After a few weeks of distance, I realized that the person I was really upset with… the person I was really blaming for the downfall of the friendship was: Me.
By tolerating unacceptable behavior in my friend, by offering trust freely without question, I had broken my own boundaries and limits.
I had chosen to hurt myself.
I was abusing myself with blame… unwilling to forgive myself for being gullible in my choices.
But… blaming myself does not help me grow as a spiritual person… and blaming someone else leaves me stuck in the past, resentful, and unable to move forward in the present.
I must learn to be kind to myself.
It is okay to make note of my mistakes and flaws, and work to improve my own behavior, but… I must also learn to value all of the good I bring to a relationship.
“Dear God, help me to be kind to myself. Help me to let go of my past errors and forgive myself the mistakes I have made.”
I pray this email reaches you w563. Thank you for writing this post on “Blame” It was truly God sent for me. I admire an appreciate your courage and transparency. Your posts always speak to exactly what I am facing, each and every one. Even when you send several at a time, I am highly grateful to receive them. These messages of your life experiences confirm exactly what God needs me to hear. I am deeply hurt and blaming myself for stupid decisions to give and I have nothing to show for my decision. I hate myself and blame myself. I’m angry at myself and I cycle through depression and then hope right back to depression. This is the worst state I’ve ever been in spiritually. What’s really bad is I started my Christian walk with God as an intercessor, then a prayer warrior. I hate where I am and I often pray to die. But I do start my day with as much prayer as I can, consistent Bible reading and a ray of hope. Please keep writing I need your posts to refuel my faith. Thanks again so very much.
Sent from my iPhone
Kelly, I want you to know that I am here for you. And there are others that come to this site that are here for you too. I know exactly how you feel. I do. I went through all of those same feelings. I promise you if you can just keep moving through… one minute at a time if necessary… you will get to the other side of this. My life today, after my divorce is a more authentic life than I could have ever hoped for. Let go as much as you can…. work towards a better future… and remember… I’m here. D.