Over the course of my divorce there were several times I believed that a reconciliation was inevitable.
Part of it… was my own fantasy… my own belief… that suddenly something would magically “change” from the way it was in the past… and it would all work out.
Part of it… was my husband’s ambivalent behavior related to our relationship.
One day, he would be flirtatious, attentive, almost hinting that he was up for a second chance on our marriage.
On other days, he would be moody, sullen, almost as if he wanted to punish me for some relationship sin he felt I must have committed.
Each time he was kind and loving, I would get my hopes up and have several days where I would soar with joy.
Each time he was angry and hurtful, my world would topple down around me.
As time went on… and I witnessed this pattern replay over and over again… I realized that it was a bad habit: a habit that I would have to break.
We were both addicted to the drama of our relationship.
I began to listen to his words as if I were a quiet observer; noting them… but not reacting to them.
The more I became a witness to the moment, instead of a participant, I learned to step back from my behavior, and breakaway from our pattern.
I wasn’t able to change my bad habit “over night” but by practicing my new behavior, I learned to change it over time.
“Dear God, help me to breakaway from my past by practicing new behaviors for my future.”