Yesterday, I was in charge of completing a clean-up task that was more than overwhelming.

I had promised that I would have the job done within 24-hours but, it was a hard physical task and as the hours rolled on I became overwhelmed.

I wanted to stop.

It was almost nine at night and I was out in the cold, working still.

I kept trying to remind myself that I was there for a reason.

I worked on, refusing to ask others for help, because I had volunteered that I would get this job done.

When suddenly, a custodian at the location walked up to me and began having a casual conversation while I worked.

She seemed to know that I wouldn’t ask her to help me with my task but after we chatted for awhile she said, “I’m just going to pick up this paint scrapper and work on this over here.”

I was embarrassed at first… worried I put her out… she had her own job to do and now she was out here in the cold helping me.

I tensed… I felt stupid… and then she said, “Work always makes the time go faster. I’m happy to help you. I finished my job early but I’m not off work until eleven. It will be nice to pass the time talking and working with you.”

And right at that moment, I was reminded that when I need help… I should ask for it.

Yes, I took the job on…

Yes, it was my responsibility…

But that doesn’t mean I should suffer in silence if the task proves to be too great.

I was humbled by this woman’s kindness and soon, two others were there joining in.

The task was completed quickly.

I gave them all a big hug before I left for the evening.

It felt good to know their were others in the world who would step up to support a stranger in need.

And I enjoyed seeing the smiles on each face… the satisfaction of a kindness given freely and the camaraderie we shared.

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“Dear God, please help me to be humble and ask for help when I am in need. Remind me that there is goodwill in giving and by stoically moving forward on my own, I am robbing someone of the chance to share your spirit of brotherhood.”

One of the best habits I have acquired over time is the habit of keeping a daily inventory.

This daily inventory is just for me… a type of running journal or diary to help me gain clarity about my day-to-day life.

Each night, before I go to bed, I list the following things:

1. Ten things that I am truly grateful for…

2. What I felt I handled positively during that particular day…

3. What I felt I handled poorly and could improve on and…

4. A wish list of what I hoped for most.

Over time… an interesting pattern began to emerge.

By looking back through my daily recollections over the course of several months, I could see exactly who I was continually struggling with in my relationships, what character flaws I had obviously been unwilling to give up, my positive or negative attitude on any particular day, and of course… what came true from my wish list.

It was almost comical to look back on a day where I was particularly moody or fussy and see a gratitude list that said:

I’m grateful for this pizza.

I’m grateful for this bed.

I’m grateful for being left alone… and compare it to a list on one of my spiritually sound days which read:

I’m grateful for the love of my children.

I’m grateful for my job.

I’m grateful for my intelligence.

My daily writing held a historic record of my life: painful emotions I had overcome, gifts I had been granted from my Higher Power and my hard-work, and the change in my maturity and my spiritual growth.

These daily reflections keep me centered, focused, on track, and provide an area to ground myself when I find myself in the middle of a slip.

They remind me when to “go easy”  and when it is time to “get to work.”

Taking the time for a daily inventory, a life assessment, keeps me moving forward on my spiritual path.

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“Dear God, help me to be honest when looking at my strengths and weaknesses. Help me to find gratitude in the smallest things and to learn from my past and use it to improve on my future.”

Growing up in an environment of chaos, I learned many things about myself.

I learned that negatives could actually create positive outcomes.

Growing up in a house where chaos was the “norm” of the day, I learned to depend on myself and figure out things on my own.

Never being sure of what rules at home would change, based on someone’s mood or whim, I learned to value the institution of education. School became a “safe” place where rules and structure, logic and fact, made it easy to succeed and I was relieved to find that emotion was not figured into the equation.

Because I grew up this way… I became strong, knowledgeable, and capable however… I found that in my marriage… these qualities were not always valued.

Strong… often comes across as demanding.

Knowledgeable… often is confused with controlling… or a “know-it-all” mentality.

And capable… can leave others feeling “less than…” unable to make a contribution to the relationship… especially if a spouse may be struggling with their own self-esteem or limitations.

It took a lot of spiritual footwork, and self-awareness on my part, to look at the fact that my positive character traits could also be negative character flaws.

I am thankful for all that came out of my upbringing: the negatives of my childhood created the positive person I am today.

But I must use my gifts with self-awareness and not let my shadow self use them out of ego, pride, and control.

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“Dear God, thank you for your life lessons. I value what I have learned for each hardship has led me to be the strong and capable person I am today.”

My husband and I separated in the summer and by fall, I believed that I would be able to handle the winter holidays with a calm heart and a bit of perspective but…

When Thanksgiving arrived, I found myself at odds. I became angry at my husband… I felt that when he left… he had robbed me and my children of all the good memories that would come when celebrating joyous holidays with those we love.

I was sad, unable to focus on the day’s events, until one of my close friends pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong.

When I told her that I felt the day had been ruined because my husband was not present she looked at me and said, “Are you saying that his presence is more important than all of us? We are the people that love you and choose to be in your life. Don’t you value our time together? Your time with your friends and family? Your children?”

It was exactly what I needed to hear.

I was so busy mourning the loss of my husband I was not paying attention to all I had in the loving friends and family that surrounded me… all who were offering me support in my time of need… by spending the first holiday since my divorce with me and my children.

I was humbled by her words.

Today… I cannot spend my time mourning people who choose not to be in my day-to-day life. I must release them to God, pray for their well-being, and focus on the people who matter most to me: those who share their love with me daily and choose to be in my life and by my side.

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“Dear God, thank you for the joy you bring me through love and friendship. Thank you for surrounding me with people who offer me kindness and support during my most painful trials.”