When people sometimes choose to leave my life, or change the parameters of our relationship, I tend to think… Oh God, what did I do? It must have been something I said… some way I acted that brought on this change in our status.

And yes, maybe I did do something or say something that created a change, caused a riff, or prompted a move.

This is when I have to step back and really look at the situation with awareness.

When I was going through my divorce, I was speaking to a close friend one day and I said, “I don’t understand why he left? I looked at my part in the problem, I moved to correct my mistakes and clean up my side of the street. Why is he not making an effort to do the same?”

She looked at me and said, “You have to let him go. Look at all of the other wonderful people that are here around you. They want to be a part of your day-to-day world, they love you dearly and enjoy your company. It is good to be aware of your part in things, but you dwelling on him leaving basically makes us all feel that we are not as important as the man who has chosen to leave you.”

And she was right: It was his decision… not mine.

Today. I still struggle when friends leave, relationships change or end, but I also know that I am not willing to go running after anyone and try to “make” them see that being with me would be a good thing.

If they value my friendship … want to be my friend… they will put in the effort just as I have, examine the relationship, and work to hold on to it or mend it.

If they don’t value my friendship, or if my friendship does not meet with their current life choices, then I have to let them go.

People choose to leave and change… this is a part of life that I must accept.

All I can do is examine my part in the relationship, work to clean up my side of the street, and then let go with awareness if they choose to walk a new path on their own.

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“Dear God, help me to see that people’s decisions are not “All about me.” You have created a path for my friends that may lead them away from my life. That does not mean I cannot let them go with compassion and pray for them as they embark on their new journey.”

It doesn’t matter.

Repeat this to yourself.

It doesn’t matter.

When I first began to walk through my divorce, I couldn’t stop myself from worrying what everyone would think.

I felt myself spiraling out of control.

I felt lost.

I didn’t want to talk on the phone.

I didn’t want to go out.

I was afraid.

What if someone calls me and they ask me about my spouse? 

and…

What do I say?

How do I stop myself from rambling on about all of the intimate details of our relationship?

How do I limit what I say and still sound adult, loving, and kind when speaking about my former spouse?

Every time I opened my mouth, I caught myself telling people more than they should know.

I would hear justifications in all of my statements.

I would leave the conversation feeling worse than I had to begin with like, I had revealed a private part of myself, my life, to an acquaintance and now that person could take that information and use it in any way they wanted.

They could tell my former spouse.

They could gossip.

Everyone would know.

I felt that I had made myself look bad by speaking about my spouse in a way that was inappropriate.

I didn’t want to give up my private information to someone outside of my marriage.

I didn’t want to say hurtful things about my spouse.

No matter what part my spouse played in the break up of our marriage, I had spent many years loving and caring for this man. I did not want to speak badly about him to anyone.

I would cry to myself, swear that I wouldn’t do it again and then… I would run into someone and catch myself once again trying to manipulate and justify what had happened in my marriage… trying to defend myself… what I did in the marriage… what I didn’t do in the marriage… to someone who wasn’t much more than a stranger.

I was giving them power over my life.

It was not their business.

The cycle was hurting me.

I had to keep repeating to myself:

It doesn’t matter what they think.

What matters is what I know.

Repeat that to yourself:

It doesn’t matter what they think.

What matters is what I know.

And what did I know?

That I am a good person.

That I loved and cared deeply for another human being.

That I gave all I had to make my relationship work.

That I have value and that I brought value to my relationship.

That I did the very best that I could and no one knows that better than I know myself.

No one can take that away from me… what I already know in my soul… in the deepest part of my heart.

People can gossip and say what they want, but it is up to me not to let other’s opinions of me diminish who and what I am.

I am a good person.

I am a child of God.

I am a caring and compassionate person who gave my best to my relationship.

It doesn’t matter what other people think.

What matters is what I know.

“Dear God, help me to believe in myself. Help me to let go of what other people think of me. Help me to remember that you and I know the truth about my relationship with my spouse and that’s all that matters.”

Endings are difficult.

They can bring pain or they can bring relief.

Either way, they bring change and change is not easy.

Change can be scary.

It can seem so overwhelming.

You may be fearful that the end is truly the end. That nothing else of importance will ever happen in your life. That there is no reason to have hope.

You had hope before…and where did it get you?

To an ending.

Yes, it is an ending… but it is also a new beginning.

A friend once said to me, “When something ends, it leaves a void in your life. When you have a void, something else come and fills in the place that has been left empty.”

Your new beginning will bring you new things.

Yes…it will be scary but isn’t it exciting?

Your life is now full of new beginnings. You will meet new people. You will walk new paths. You will find new ways to experience life. Things you never thought of doing… you will do.

Endings are hard but remember… they bring new beginnings and new beginnings can bring you happiness and joy that you may never have imagined.

“Dear God, let me see this ending as truly a new beginning. Let me be open to the new people and experiences you lay before me. Help me to walk with excitement into my future instead of in fear.”