There have been times in my life where I have had to resolve myself to do something that I didn’t necessarily want to do.

When my husband told me he wanted a divorce in December of 2001, and still hadn’t filed any of the paperwork by May 2002, I knew that I would have to set a boundary, and resolve to move forward with the divorce on my own, so that I could continue on with my life instead of living out of control, in a limbo based on my soon-to-be ex-husband’s time frame.

When I chose to go back to school for my higher degrees, in the beginning, it was not for me, it was a resolution that I made so that my children would reap the benefits of my education. By going back to school, I was able to make enough money to stay in my family home, and continue our life there. Knowing I no longer needed to rely on my husband for financial support provided me with security, and boosted my self-esteem.

It is not always easy to make a resolution. Firm decisions are often hard when struggling with boundary issues, self-esteem issues, or insecurities related to past circumstances.

But by making a commitment to the future, we learn to stick to our resolve and walk forward bravely on our spiritual paths.

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“Dear God, help me to follow my spiritual path. Help me to be true in all of my decisions and to follow my heart.”

There are times when I become overwhelmed by the past and face a deep regret for mistakes I once made.

Unfortunately, I cannot take back my past.

I cannot right those wrongs once committed.

Today, I know that I must make my amends by choosing to act differently in the present.

Remorse is a reminder of poor decisions I have made, poor choices on my part.

Some of these choices were made with a clear intent in mind and some were absolutely accidental.

Now is the time for me to make a living amends each day and right the wrongs of my past.

If I have harmed someone, I should make every effort to apologize.

If I cannot apologize, I must right my actions in the only way that I can by choosing to behave differently, better, in all of my relationships today.

Remorse is a guide, a moral compass, that helps me to move forward on my spiritual path by reminding me what type of person I want to be today: kind, honest, humble, and responsible in all of my dealings with others.

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“Dear God, forgive me my past wrongs and help me to move forward with integrity.”

I have a good friend who always says, “What someone is saying to you says more about them….. then it does about you.”

She shared this thought with me because I was always taking things people said about me… to heart… and allowing myself to be hurt by their comments.

I caught myself acting is if this “source” this “person” who was speaking to me… was somehow like my Higher Power: “all-knowing.”

As I began really listen to others, with my friend’s words in my mind, I realized that she was right.

I began to see motives behind many of these hurtful statements and most often it was related to that person’s own filters, their self-esteem issues, their character flaws, and suddenly… I could see that nothing they were saying really had anything to do with me.

This helped me to begin listening to people without reacting.

I began the habit of waiting 24 hours before responding to a particularly snarky or cruel comment. I learned by giving myself time to think, to calm my emotions instead of automatically reacting, I could then assess if there was any truth in the statement. I could decide if there really was something that needed to be discussed with this person who was being particularly unkind, or what I needed to ignore, or “let go” of completely.

I have found by stepping back and listening for hidden motives before reacting to a conversation, I can save myself hours of worry, resentment, frustration, and anger, and learn to have empathy for a person who is in too much pain to be kind to me at the moment.

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“Dear God, help me to step back when I find myself struggling to remain calm in any situation. Help me to see that others have their own issues and flaws that they may be projecting onto me and let me share my compassion with them and find grace in my actions.”

It is easy to find myself angry when I am confronted with someone else’s deceit but what about my own?

How many times have I been dishonest in my acts or in my statements?

How many times have I misrepresented the truth or concealed it from another?

How many times have I used deceit because I was too afraid to tell the truth? Too afraid to make a decision? Too afraid of someone’s reaction?

When I become enraged by someone else’s deceitful behavior… I need to take a step back and think about the situation before making a move.

Why did this person feel the need to be dishonest?

Were they worried that I was unapproachable?

That I would judge them for making a mistake?

Like me… were they afraid to tell the truth? Afraid to make a decision? Afraid of my reaction to their needs?

Sometimes a situation warrants my compassion and empathy.

When faced with deceit, I need to look at my own struggles with honesty before jumping to judge and condemn those around me.

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“Dear God, help me to be pure and true in my intent. When faced with another’s deceit, help me to listen with a loving heart and put judgement aside.”

Today I live in constant gratitude for the gifts my Higher Power bestows upon me.

I am thankful for my family, my home, my health… for my friends, my job, my creative endeavors.

I have learned that even in my darkest times… I have been able to find a balm to soothe my pain and despair by counting my many blessings.

We all experience loss in our lives but we still must look to find the good that surrounds us.

Gratitude reminds me that though I may not have everything I want in life, I have everything that I need for today.

I am blessed to live a life full of daily reminders that I have much to be grateful for.

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“Dear God, thank you for the gifts you have given me. Help me to find gratitude even during times of pain and despair.”

I used to have a bad habit of always expecting people to “get with the program” on my time line.

I often wondered, Why can’t they see what I see?

Or thought It would just be so easy if they did… this!

Today I know that I cannot force anyone to “see” something or “do” something until they are willing or able to do so.

I also know that I cannot spend my precious time waiting and hoping that they will.

I can offer my experience, strength, and hope.

I can share my love and time.

But in the end… it is up to that person to have their own aha! moment… and therefore I must stand back, with patience and allow them to find their way.

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“Dear God, help me to offer my wisdom with patience. Help me to allow others to grow on their own time and to walk their own spiritual path.”

Recently I was involved in a friendship that left me unsettled and resentful.

I felt that I had given my all to this person and that they hadn’t appreciated it.

I began to act out each time I spoke with them until finally, I stepped away from the relationship to gather some perspective.

But privately, I allowed my thoughts to continue to run rampant as I blamed them for everything that had gone wrong.

I couldn’t understand why when I had tried so hard to show how much I valued them in my daily life, how much I loved them, how understanding I was to their situation, that they still chose to act unacceptable within the boundaries of our relationship.

I was hurt and I was angry.

After a few weeks of distance, I realized that the person I was really upset with… the person I was really blaming for the downfall of the friendship was: Me.

By tolerating unacceptable behavior in my friend, by offering trust freely without question, I had broken my own boundaries and limits.

I had chosen to hurt myself.

I was abusing myself with blame… unwilling to forgive myself for being gullible in my choices.

But… blaming myself does not help me grow as a spiritual person… and blaming someone else leaves me stuck in the past, resentful, and unable to move forward in the present.

I must learn to be kind to myself.

It is okay to make note of my mistakes and flaws, and work to improve my own behavior, but… I must also learn to value all of the good I bring to a relationship.

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“Dear God, help me to be kind to myself. Help me to let go of my past errors and forgive myself the mistakes I have made.”