I woke up this morning with regrets on my mind.

Things I had done that I wished that I hadn’t.

Things I had said that I wished I could take back.

Opportunities that I had let pass me by, due to one reason or another.

My heart felt heavy as these feelings washed over me and for a moment, I was overwhelmed by all of the mistakes I had made.

It isn’t easy to let myself swim in regret but… to feel regret… is to allow my conscience to become fully aware and in touch with the painful choices and actions of my past.

I do not have to see it as a negative… I can see it for what it really is… an opportunity for me to change my actions in the present and in the future.

Regret reminds me of what I choose not to repeat…

What words I choose not to share…

What opportunities I should not let pass me by.

Regret reminds me to make an amends to all I may have harmed in my past and specifically… to forgive myself and move on.

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“Dear God, help me to let go of regret and live in the present. Help me to forgive myself my past as I move toward a more positive direction in my future.”

Yesterday, I was speaking to a friend who had been in a very bad place emotionally.

He had been struggling with old behaviors, old relationships, residue of the past clinging to each of his thoughts and actions.

I was just about to share my experience of how, giving back to others, had always relieved my burdens when he said, “I’ve decided to volunteer at my friend’s hospice. I think if I give back to others it will help.”

I smiled to myself, and we went on to talk about the joys of helping others.

Often times, so caught up in my own life’s troubles, my own problems, I forget that there are those around me suffering much more serious fates.

Being of service, being the light in someone else’s day, putting my own problems aside to share my strength, hope, experience with others, reminds me to be grateful and how much I have to give to those in need.

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“Dear God, remind me to be present for those in need. Help me to put my own troubles aside and share my strength, faith and hope.”

Sometimes I can be oblivious to what is really going on inside of me, until I have some type of revelation.

Overwhelmed by too many commitments, struggling with issues regarding my self-esteem, worn, tired, straying from my spiritual path, it is as if my Higher Power suddenly throws someone directly in my way, who says the exact words I need to hear, or gives me exactly what I need in my life, to have a moment of clarity that brings my true world back into focus.

When I hear something said that resounds in my soul… I must listen to it.

When I see something done that sets off a distant bell of understanding… I mustn’t ignore it.

These moments of enlightenment are precious… they reveal the truth and lead me back onto my spiritual path.

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“Dear God, help me to listen when you speak to me. Help me to watch when you show me. Help me to follow your path when I have lost my way.”

When I find that I am overwhelmed…

When it seems that my mind is emotionally cluttered…

I know that it is time to put my “house in order.”

When I do too much…

When I race from appointment-to-appointment…

When I am hurried and harried by what life is throwing at me…

I know it is time to take things to task.

I once heard that you should get up each morning and make your bed.

It seemed silly to me.

Why would that matter?

How could that affect my emotions throughout the course of my day?

But now, I understand.

Physical clutter and mess create mental clutter and mess.

Chaos brings more chaos.

Stress begins when my physical house is not in order.

By handling my chores, my mundane tasks, putting my house in order, I then have a calm, clean environment to settle into when I feel worn from life’s many trials.

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“Dear God, help me to put first things first. When I feel overwhelmed by life’s ups-and-downs, help me to step back and put my house in order.”

Yesterday, I found myself overwhelmed by life.

Frustrated, I was unable to control my emotions with others, I was late to all of my appointments for the day, I had forgotten to take care of my most basic needs and realized that I had even forgotten to put gas in my car.

As I was rushing through the city streets, changing my path rapidly in hopes of being able to find the closest gas station before I ran out of gas completely, I had a moment of clarity.

Over the course of the last few months I had been pulled in many different directions.

I had ran myself ragged, lost my way, and once again become tired and worn from the chaos.

I knew then, that today, would be a day, when I would need to be alone and take the time to calm my mind and choose my true direction.

What resonates in my heart?

What brings me a sense of accomplishment or pride in what I do?

What do I consider my calling?

Sometimes, we allow ourselves to be distracted by so many things that we forget what brings us peace.

I am reminded today that I can stop along my spiritual path, rest on my journey, take a moment to look at my life, and then… with a clear and calm mind… move forward towards my true North.

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“Dear God, help me to release chaos. Help me to let go of distractions and search for my true calling.”

The other day, I had a moment where I felt the urge to get into an argument with my ex-husband.

He had said something to our son about me that seemed unkind and unnecessary.

I was hurt… angry… and I wanted a chance to harm him with my own words for causing me pain.

As I drove around the corner in my car, and saw him standing with our son in my driveway, I felt my anger rise and could barely wait to park the car and let him have it.

But then… my spiritual growth kicked in… and I was able to sit for a moment and let that entire scenario play out.

How would my anger help my son?

Would it show him how to behave appropriately in a relationship?

Would it make him comfortable watching his mother be sarcastic and hurtful towards his father?

Would I stand out as an example to my child of how a mature adult, working towards taking the “moral high ground,” should behave?

No.

I chose to calm my thoughts and pray for my ex-husband’s well being.

I then got out of the car, opened the door of my house, walked straight in, and did not engage with my ex-husband for the rest of that day.

The relief of “not getting into it” in front of my child, of setting a good example soothed my soul.

There are times in life when something must be said… and there are times in life when I must practice the habit of self-control.

Today, I choose to think before I act.

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“Dear God, help me to choose my battles wisely. Help me to have self-control in my words and actions when it is for the greater good of all involved.”

Waiting on anything has always been difficult for me.

I am always on the move, always on the go, always finding something to do so that I feel that I am constantly making progress in all areas of my life.

When I catch myself becoming inpatient, forcing a change, I know that it is time for me to stop and wait.

It is hard for me to admit that not everyone is on my schedule, my agenda.

It is hard for me to admit that I do not have control over life, over change, over time.

Sometimes it is important to just… wait.

Maybe the timing isn’t right…

Maybe I’m not really ready for what I think I truly want…

Maybe my Higher Power has bigger and better plans for me…

If I find myself trying to force an outcome due to impatience, that is a clear sign that I should stop, sit back, and wait.

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“Dear God, help me to remember that waiting is a a part of spiritual growth. By choosing not to force outcomes, I am learning that life moves forward on your time and not my own. By relinquishing control, I am living in acceptance each and every day.”

I grew up in a home that was full of chaos and shaky boundaries.

There was a lot of love, a lot of laughter, but we learned early on, that the adults in our home often broke trust with us and with each other.

Nothing was ever “firm.”

No one could ever truly be counted on.

Growing up in dysfunction made me believe that all relationships, all families, must act this way.

So when I married, I looked for the same qualities in my husband that I had first found in my family home.

He was charming, talented, witty, intelligent, and helped me to re-create a world of passion, chaos, and poor boundaries.

Each time my husband promised me something, I would believe that this time… it would be different… this time… he would follow through… this time… I would be able to trust the person I loved.

It was as if I had never learned any of the lessons from my childhood: I trusted blindly.

Today I know that actions speak louder than words.

If I give someone I love chance-after-chance to be trustworthy and they continue to fail me… what am I saying about myself and who am I ultimately hurting?

If I allow myself to be hurt, disappointed, unnerved, frustrated time-and-time again… I must take myself in hand.

I cannot be angry with another person if I keep giving my trust freely and allowing them to have it when it has not been earned.

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“Dear God, help me to protect and care for myself by living in the reality of the situation and not holding out for the fantasy. Help me to see I am worthy of more.”