When I was going through my divorce, people would often tell me that all I needed was time to heal from my pain.

It was true… but in the “moment” that thought… wasn’t able to provide much comfort from my despair… the intensity of the emotions were overwhelming and I couldn’t help but pray that time would move me quickly through the process.

And of course, time did.

But now today… I struggle with a different problem related to time: the problem of wanting too much too fast in a relationship.

It is exciting to have someone in love with you again, in need of you again, making plans… being a couple.

Caught up in the “feel good” moment, it is easy to be swept away with emotion and commit to someone when maybe… it really is too soon to do so.

Time works both ways… to ease the pain of heartbreak and to temper the passion of new love.

It is wonderful to enjoy moments of intense happiness and connection but, I must take the time to see past the emotion.

Time will let me know if I have found a good fit in my choice of a new partner.

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“Dear God, help me to take time to know my heart. Help me to find balance in each day.”

When I was married, I often felt that I wasn’t being heard.

I would come home from work and want to discuss the hardships of my day or…

I would be upset over an incident with a friend and want to rehash the problem with my husband or…

I was stressing over bills, matters of the house, and felt an immediate need to always discuss it.

After my divorce, and much spiritual footwork, I realized that yes… it is important to be heard but… that sometimes… we must put other people’s needs before our own.

How many times had I truly listened when my husband wanted to be heard?

So caught up in my own world, I often forgot that my husband’s world was just as important.

I couldn’t help but wonder:

Had I listened?

Had I shown compassion?

Or did I fuss and pout because I felt my needs weren’t being met?

Sometimes in life we must step back from our own needs and understand that another’s needs may be more important at that particular time.

If I had come home from work concerned over the day and found my husband in poor health… would I have still expected him to meet my needs? Shoulder my burdens?

No.

I would have waited… put his needs first… and chose to address my needs later if they still seemed pressing.

Today I have learned to think before I fight to make myself heard:

Is it necessary?

Is it important?

Is it kind?

If not… maybe it is time for me to take a step back and work towards making someone else feel heard… to try my best to meet another person’s needs.

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“Dear God, help me to be clear in my needs. Help me to know when I must put myself first and when I need to humbly and thoughtfully, be there for someone else. If they are feeling worn down by the world let me be the one to stand strong for them.”

Sometimes, I allow my temper to get the better of me and when I do… I jump to react.

But, the problem with reacting during a moment of intense emotion, is that I often say things or do things I later regret.

When I let my emotions take over, I act from a place that is not in line with my spiritual path.

Reacting without stepping back to calm my mind leads me to make assumptions… assumptions that often prove to be inaccurate.

Today, I try my best to walk away from a heated moment and give myself time to process the situation and use logic to clearly think on the problem.

Then, when I feel that I can approach the situation again with a bit of compassion and a bit of maturity, I do so… sure in my behavior.

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“Dear God, help me to be rational. Help me to choose to react as a loving and kind adult in all situations that may try my spiritual growth.”

This morning I walked down to the lake to look at the ice.

It was breaking into large sheets and floating past when I noticed a small group of hungry wild ducks hoping that I had brought them some bread.

I trudged back through the snow, grabbed a bag of bread from the kitchen, and went back down to feed them.

By the time I returned… they had swam away.

Just then a little five-year-old girl, all dressed in pink, came walking up to me shyly across the snowy bank.

“Would you like to feed the ducks with me?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said.

Her smile was radiant.

We both stood on the shore, calling out to the ducks, until first the seagulls arrived, and then a few of the brave mallards and finally, the whole motley crew of birds swam over and surrounded us… little soft birds up close to my new friend’s feet as she reached down and gently gave them bits of bread.

Her father was taking photos, so proud of his little girl when he suddenly stopped… embarrassed… and said, “I’m so sorry. We should have brought our own bread.”

“Don’t be silly,” I told him. “There’s more than enough bread for all of us.”

He smiled and laughed as we emptied the bag of bread, talked about life, children, the beautiful day and the ducks, before I finally waved goodbye and headed back to write.

Today, I am reminded of the chain reaction of kindness… how one small thoughtful act can create a ripple that reaches out to touch the far shore.

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“Dear God, thank you for bringing me moments of happiness and joy. Help me to always hold kindness in my heart and to share my goodwill with all around me.”

Milestones in life:

birthdays…

anniversaries…

graduations… are precious.

They are celebratory moments, in time, that punctuate life.

I look forward to milestones and hold them dear to my heart…

Often, they arrive just when I need them most… when I am struggling with pain or despair… feeling lost or world-weary…

A moment, a celebration, a milestone shared with those I love and cherish, can rejuvenate my spirit and remind me of how fortunate I am to be loved and to have so much in my life to be thankful for.

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“Dear God, thank you for the precious moments. For the times that celebrate the milestones in my life.”

Over the years it is the simple things, the small moments of joy, that keep me moving forward and my heart full of faith.

When I find myself saddened by loss… I remember these moments and find happiness in the thoughts…

A time when I sat and laughed with someone I loved…

A moment when I held my children while they slept snuggled warm within my arms…

Staring out across a lake and listening to the sound of the wind across the water…

These are the moments I hold dear in my heart.

It is when I am at my lowest that I can recall these simple things, these small moments of joy, these memories that I hold so dear in my heart and I find hope and faith and gratitude in what my Higher Power has given me and what my Higher Power will soon bring to me.

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“Dear God, thank you for the simple things. For the memories of those I love, and all they have given to me.”

When I was first out of my marriage I found the roller coaster of dating… the moments of anticipated acceptance or rejection too much to handle.

If someone expressed interest I quickly pulled away afraid of intimacy.

Yet if someone remained distant and detached, I assumed that something was wrong with me, or that I must be the problem in the relationship or that I had just lost someone wonderful and in pain and despair, would feel terribly hurt all over again.

I decided that the best thing for me to do was to wait a good amount of time, at least a year, before dating or becoming intimate with someone again.

I had been married almost twenty years, and to know what I would want in a future relationship during a time period that was punctuated with pain, despair and my mourning the loss of my marriage, would lead to me making personal choices that would be unsteady and might prove to be unacceptable over time.

I realized that I was dealing with too many emotions and that even the comfort of someone new could not replace what I had felt for my long-time spouse.

I found that though I was often lonely for a partner, the solitude that time brought to me was a gift.

I was able to heal, learn, and move forward on my spiritual path.

In that way, I became sure and ready of what I truly wanted to look for in a new relationship.

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“Dear God,  help me to embrace the solitude. Give me time to heal and the strength to move on.”

Some days are just harder to get through then others.

Maybe I’m overwhelmed by too many commitments.

Maybe I didn’t sleep well the night before and my emotions are getting the better of me.

Maybe I’m just fed up with everyone and everything and can’t stop myself from being snappy or snide… sure that everyone around me is just trying to test my patience.

On days like these, I stop and think about what I once heard in an inspirational speech.

The speaker was sharing an anecdote related to bad attitudes and he said, “If throughout the course of the day you run into someone with a bad attitude… then you run into someone with a bad attitude. Don’t worry about it. It’s bound to happen. Just stay positive and move along in your day but…”

Here he paused for emphasis and then added, “If you run into three or more people with bad attitudes… then you’re the one with the bad attitude.  You’re the one with the problem.”

Of course we all laughed, each of us being guilty of this type of denial related to our own bad behavior at one time or another.

But for me… the sentiment stuck and today… if I do catch myself angry with the world, sure that everyone is against me, ready to attack at any moment… then it is time for me to check my own attitude, change my perspective, and step back onto my spiritual path and away from my shadow self.”

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“Dear God, help me to adjust my attitude during the course of a particularly trying day.  Help me to remember that each day is a gift that I must cherish.”

I woke up this morning with regrets on my mind.

Things I had done that I wished that I hadn’t.

Things I had said that I wished I could take back.

Opportunities that I had let pass me by, due to one reason or another.

My heart felt heavy as these feelings washed over me and for a moment, I was overwhelmed by all of the mistakes I had made.

It isn’t easy to let myself swim in regret but… to feel regret… is to allow my conscience to become fully aware and in touch with the painful choices and actions of my past.

I do not have to see it as a negative… I can see it for what it really is… an opportunity for me to change my actions in the present and in the future.

Regret reminds me of what I choose not to repeat…

What words I choose not to share…

What opportunities I should not let pass me by.

Regret reminds me to make an amends to all I may have harmed in my past and specifically… to forgive myself and move on.

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“Dear God, help me to let go of regret and live in the present. Help me to forgive myself my past as I move toward a more positive direction in my future.”