Yesterday,  I found myself losing my patience.

I had a lot going on with my work and my high school students seemed particularly needy.

Each time I spoke sternly to them I would stop myself and say, “I’m not angry. I’m just really overwhelmed right now” and then I would stop what I was doing and calmly listen to their needs.

By the end of the day, I thought about how good I had been with my students.

I had explained to them that I was stressed, under pressure, and didn’t want to take it out on them…

When I was fearful that my voice might upset them or cause them to become hurt, I stopped my action and self-corrected.

I couldn’t help but be reminded that I must observe this type of patience in all of my daily dealings.

How many times had I not been this kind with adults sure that they should know better?

I’m not the only one under pressure in my day-to-day life.

I’m not the only one struggling with an excessive work load or intense family dynamics, or working to get through a difficult day.

I must exercise patience, show compassion, when dealing with all people, young and old, on days where I feel shaky on my spiritual path.

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“Dear God, help me to be patient with everyone around me. Help me to have perspective and show compassion.”

Today I was riding on a long bike ride with a close friend.

It was only my second time out on a speed bike and he kept commenting on my stamina: five miles, ten miles, soon we were at a round trip count of twenty-four.

He was proud and a bit shocked at my strength and since I was new to the sport… he assumed I would struggle from the exertion.

I smiled… pleased with myself.

After all that I have been through in my lifetime…

The pain and despair I experienced through my divorce…

The commitment I required to complete my education and receive my higher degrees…

The emotional fortitude I built up over the lose of someone I loved and held dear…

All of these things were life lessons, difficult ones, that now guided me, and carried me when I struggled in the present.

Because of these experiences, I am able to reflect on these moments, use them to drive my strength and stamina, and know that any task great or small can be accomplished if I just keep my mind focused as I move forward in my life and on my spiritual path.-

“Dear God, thank you for providing me with inner strength. Thank you for giving me the stamina to move through pain and despair and gain perspective from my past that helps me in my present.”

Lately I have been struggling with expectations and basically, setting myself up for disappointment.

I don’t like the person that I become when I suddenly catch myself acting as if I am entitled to someone’s time or being judgmental towards their actions.

I wouldn’t want to be around someone who made me feel that I “owed them” my time or my friendship or that I had to have a relationship with them based on “their” rules.

However… I do want to be able to count on a friend and to ask for what I want in our relationship if my request is a reasonable one.

What do I believe are reasonable expectations in a relationship?

Setting a specific time to be together… and calling or contacting in a timely manner if our plan needs to be changed…

Creating a bond of trust within our friendship… a loyalty that binds us…

Speaking to each other with respect and kindness.

These, to me, are all reasonable expectations in a relationship I choose to pursue and if I have met someone who is unwilling to work with me towards this common goal, then maybe our relationship is not meant to be.

But… I must remember… expectations should not be used as a way to control others: If I use my expectations to control, it will only push the people I love away and set the relationship up to be full of resentments.

Today, I must be clear in my needs but reasonable in my requests.

“Dear God, help me to have clear and fair expectations with those I love. Help me to accept people as they are and accept the differences between us.”

Sometimes, I am so concerned with boundaries, that I refuse to give someone the benefit of the doubt.

In the past, I so often let people I loved, basically get away with treating me in a way that was totally unacceptable that today, when I even think that someone might be about to behave inappropriately, or “try to get away with something” I strike so fast to stop them that they aren’t even sure what they have done wrong.

It is good that today I have boundaries.

They help me to make conscience choices about the people I choose to involve in my day-to-day life but…

This does not mean that I should be rash in my judgements, react on past wrongs instead of present deeds.

When I believe someone I love is about to cross a boundary, and cause me emotional pain… maybe it is best to have a calm heart-to-heart before reacting without just cause.

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“Dear God, help me to be calm when emotion over takes me. Help me to make logical decisions regarding what is and isn’t acceptable to me in my relationships with others.”